What is he even for? Help me leave please.

[daydream919]

I've posted about a year ago about my controlling DH. I'm still here but mentally in a much better place. I think I just need to put it all down and know I am doing the right thing leaving him. I keep having doubts thinking we could work through things but I realistically know he won't change.
The issues:

• he showers like twice a week. Have spoke about the lack of respect for sleeping in the same bed as me, he's done nothing to change and still tries it on. Then makes me feel bad for not ever wanting sex or showing affection.
• constant criticism. For example we have a 18 mo dog and I still get running commentary about how to train or walk my dog. Criticises me a lot. Again brought this up 10 months ago, nothings changed as he can't help but criticise.
• smokes weed all the time. Asked him to cut down as he smokes in one room in the house but I feel it's damaging my health. He has not cut back at all or went outside since I asked him to.

-stays up all night playing video games or falling asleep in his office. Then next day can't get up to do anything. Moans he never has productive days for the house. Moans that I go to bed early and gives me silent treatment if I fall asleep on sofa.

• financially controlling I think. Complains he has no money all the time but had hundreds a month for his weed habit. Has told me I'm not going on holiday without him when a big priority for me is travelling and he never wants to go away. We do not share finances but still tries to control it. Ie if I booked a holiday with family there would be hell to pay, silent treatment etc.
• does no day to day chores and still complains I don't do enough round the house. Can't even put his dishes in dishwasher, clothes in basket etc etc.

Sorry this is just a big rant but I am so done and taken for granted. Maybe I just needed to get it out but why on earth am I questioning why I should leave? I'm not perfect and I'm turning to wine recently as I just can't cope with him anymore. But I just need a bit of back up to help with my doubts. Thanks in advance.

I think maybe you should just keep reading what you wrote..
not how you want to live your life is it x

You have back up from me. He sounds horrendous and I’d have been out of there like a shot.

break free, leave this sucky, smelly, pillock behind and travel the world. You’ve got this.

What are the barriers to you splitting up - kids? Money? Fear/obligation/guilt?

What's stopping you from leaving?

How did you get here?? Do you have children? If not the decision must be easy.

He sounds horrible and you have given him every opportunity to change his ways, but he does not care enough or respect you enough to do so . Don't let him ruin your life, leave him now. He will only get worse, and you will be more unhappy if you stay.

This is your actual one and only real life! Take it with both hands and find your freedom. You don’t even need a reason to leave but you have many significant ones - it should not be a question anymore.

I say this with loving kindness - find a way to safely explore why you feel this is what you deserve. Because from the outside, it looks almost like an act of self harm to remain in a relationship with someone who makes you miserable. You are not to blame for who he is but your self esteem must be rock bottom to stay.

Yous posted 12 months ago. His behaviour hasnt changed. He knows youll accept it. This is him. He wont change. How much of your life do you want to ruin before you leave him?

do you own the house or rent?

why are you still with him?

Maybe it would be more useful for you to write a list of the reasons why you're still there with him - and then a plan of how you're going to leave.

Good luck. It's heartbreaking to read all these posts of women sticking with godawful partners.

We jointly own a house but I paid much less deposit so financially worried and also will not lete keep the dog. But I think I've realised I need to not let.these things stop me as would be so much worse if we had children. Just really finding it hard to make that final push.

Unless he ringfenced his deposit, you should be entitled to half. See a solicitor. You can't stay with a man who can't be arsed to do the minimum to contribute to the relationship.

Never ever thought about it like this as being an act of self harm. I actually understand why I am here (early life issues) after doing a lot of work on therapy for the last 1.5 years so I think that is the only reason I am finally questioning what I am putting up with.
Thanks a lot for this.

He sounds awful, no wonder you are turning to wine! Definitely better off without him. Good luck

Thanks im glad it is not just in my head!