Does everybody get married?

[Banana1979]

I left my cheating ex 3 years ago and I’ve been single ever since -we were together 13 years
in that time, always had hopes of marriage - in the second year we met He asked me, but I didn’t think he was that serious as nothing came of it i should have left then
he was very abusive physically and emotionally, and I had a breakdown 9 years ago
since then everybody I know is getting married including my sister and brother who are both 40 and 39
im 45 with a 9 year-old child, and I’ve always dreamed of getting married, but I feel like nobody is going to want me now -a 45-year-old single mum. I do keep my appearance tidy and I’m not unattractive, but I do look a little tired. I still get chatted up now and again ( ok maybe once or twice a year ) but the only interest I’ve seen is from people who just want sex or need money
every woman in my family is married, my friends are married, and I feel so lonely, especially in the evenings
I also find that a lot of people on mums net or married too
what is the secret? maybe I’m just not a marriage material . I have a nice personality and would do absolutely anything for everybody. I just feel so crap and pants and often cry at night because I’m so miserable.
Just having a rant, sorry

A good relationship is more important than marriage...aim for that. I had one bad marriage and have now been in a happier long term relationship. Marriage shouldn't be a goal. Happiness should be

i am so sorry you feel that way. What do you think marriage will give you?

I love my close relationship with my children post divorce. A man isn’t able to add much to the hat I have already.

I feel you because I am the same age, no kids, and the last three 40s single friends are now getting married so I very much feel left out. Most 40s men I meet are divorced and not interested in marriage or even a relationship so I have pretty much given up on the idea of ever getting married. Once you make peace with that I think it is easier to accept life.

I’m 47 and with my partner for over 3 years and have no intention of ever marrying. My longest relationship was five years and one of the reasons we broke up is because I didn’t want to marry. Marriage just doesn’t appeal to me at all.

We were both previously divorced and met each other at age 43 (me) and 57 (him) After we'd been together thirteen years we got married in 2020. I hope you either meet someone lovely OR live a great single life. Both are fabulous.

I you are right, happiness is more important than getting married. I just wish I could meet somebody genuine

I’m in my 40’s as are most of my friends. Nearly all of them are in 10+ year relationships yet hardly any are married or have ever been married. It just isn’t something anyone in our social circle is the slightest bit bothered about.

No?? My mum is in her 70s and never married. I've accepted I will never get married myself now (single 7 years)

I've never married. Came very close once and have been asked a couple of times, but in the end I never felt that the person concerned truly "had my back". In each case it was more about him securing the life he wanted.

Remaining single is much better than being in a bad marriage or going through the whole torrid divorce process with a grasping or vengeful ex.

I have a son, my own home, a career, a pension. There is nothing we can't do as single women that we could do if married.

I think unless you meet someone that you simply can't bear the idea of being separated from, then marriage is to be avoided. Repent at leisure as they say. Marriage as a tickbox is definitely a bad idea.

You don't realise how (relatively) young you are at 45. It's really not 'old' these days.

But I would say, don't focus on marriage, it isn't an answer to anything. Lovely if it happens but not a life goal. I am personally really happy I never married or had children, and have seen so many friends with unhappy marriages and cheating husbands. Marriage doesn't automatically solve loneliness.

Apart from a long off/on relationship with a married man (it was complicated, please don’t judge) I’ve never been married or even lived “coupled up”. No children.

Please accept a hug from me @Banana1979 yes it feels lonely sometimes. Better lonely on your own though, than feeling lonely sharing space in an unsupportive relationship.

P.S. it sounds as if you feel a bit unconfident about your looks, so, if you can afford it, do a little self-pampering - a really good haircut can work wonders, and a few key items of clothes that make you feel special.

Edit: and I mean for you, not for men.

I’d echo what others have said in terms of it being better to focus on other things. You’re too old to offer what a lot of men seek in a wife (marriage was traditionally about begetting children). And even fewer men want to take on another man’s child. That might sound mean. It’s not intended to be. Thankfully you have a daughter; you’re not all alone! Try to be thankful for what you have & take each day as it comes. Best of luck.

I think coming out of abuse, there can be an emphasis on 'why can't I just have what other people have? Is there something wrong with me?'

But you have to remember that not all marriages are happy. Nor can another person loving you necessarily fix your self esteem. It would just be a plaster over the wound.

You went through one of the hardest things anyone could ever go through and here you are still standing. Give yourself some recognition.

There are plenty of assholes out there, married. They acquired zero prerequisites and, are often, shit partners just like your ex. But those marriages are not 'happy ever afters'.

Your freedom from tyranny was. Your chance to live life on your own terms. People come and go. But you'll always know you have your own back now.

There's nothing wrong with you. Don't wind up with another asshole, trying to convince yourself of that.

Just take each day as it comes, be your best self and keep watch for a nice fella.
You'll get there. There's no rush! It's not a race.

Being with someone who is good for you and you are good for them is more important but I do understand where you’re coming from.

I have had three marriage proposals, how? I have no idea I can honestly say I am a very headstrong woman who is pretty stubborn. If I do not like something or a situation I make my feelings known. Maybe seen as a bit of a challenge.