Am I having a mid-life crisis?

[Thisisscott182]

Hi,

I was hoping to get advice from different people, and to hopefully be able to move on with my life.

I am 33 this year, and I recently came out of a 5 year relationship September gone. I was with someone that didn't make me happy, and didn't share the same interests as me.

I unexpected met a woman a month or two later, and we grew a bond and got closer. She has two young daughters who I connected well with but we have hit a little bump. I cannot shake the idea of going travelling. Ever since I was 18, I wanted to travel and even with my ex partner, all I could think about was travelling. The woman I have met now does not share that same focus and nor should she as her priorities are different. She has asked me to decide what I want to do - to settle down or go travel. She said she will support both, but we cannot be together obviously if I go travelling. I do like her, and she really likes me which makes this difficult.

Like I said, I am 33 this year and I am so anxious about growing up old and alone with no children. I often see men in the pub sharing a pint with their son.

Do I follow my dreams and travel or do I sacrifice it and settle down now with someone who has a ready made family? I am edging towards travelling but I also don't want to let a great woman down because I feel like she deserves someone great.

Some, please give me advice :(

How long have you wanted to go travelling for?

How long would you want to go for?

Would the travelling be as a single man or could you be in a long distance relationship until you came back?

Well, no, you are not having a mid life crisis because YOU ARE ONLY 32!!!

She said she would not wait for me.

I am not travelling to meet other women, but to see the world. I would expect to be gone for a long time.

Go and travel for a year. You will still only be 33!

Travel obviously

Go and travel! Complete no brainer.

I don't think anyone here can really advise you on which way to jump. You probably need to do some lengthy self reflection on this. Ask yourself some really difficult, soul-searching questions. What's most important to you in life? What have you always dreamed of? What would you regret on your deathbed? Will you resent this woman in a few years time if you make the choice to stay? Are you ready for the stability she needs to maintain for her kids? Etc.

Other things to consider... does she want more children? If she has girls and you'd like a son to drink pints with, will her 'ready made family' be enough? Also, you are male, I presume, so you have many years of fertility ahead of you - there's no rush on that, whereas committing to children means no travelling for many years, so it would make more sense to travel before settling down. Also, you say she won't wait for you (which is her choice of course) but if she happened to be single when you return would she consider picking things up again?

You are a 33 yr old man. Go travelling. You have AT LEAST another 10 years in which to find a nice woman and settle down. For now, scratch your itch. And, read a few threads on here. Providing you come back from travelling and get a job (any job) don’t take drugs, don’t constantly lie, don’t be a shagger, will willingly hoover, can tie your own shoelaces and will look after your own children with enthusiasm when they are born? That would put you in front of about 99% of men who are discussed on here. So go travelling, then come back and be a decent man.

He's 32!

Go travelling. My Dad didn't get the chance to get it out of his system before he got my Mum pregnant.

He spent the entirety of my childhood wishing he was somewhere else and as a result we have a crap relationship.

Go travelling!!!! Seriously this is a no brainer.

If you and your current girlfriend are meant to be you’ll find each other again.

But go see the world before settling down!

Wow, I am so glad I joined this site.

I think everyone is thinking the way I am, and that I go travel. My anxiety just causes me to worry about being alone when I am older but I do think I'd regret not travelling.

I resented my last partnerfor not wanting to travel, even though she made that clear at the start.

This is amazing advice.

No, she does not want any more children however, she said she might feel differently in the future.

The interesting question is, OP, why do you keep attaching yourself to women who don't want you to go travelling?

Honestly a close friend is your age and still has that travelling bug!!!

I totally support that as someone who did see a bit of the world before settling. Its definitely made me a more settled and content parent!!

I am not sure if I am responding to individual people correctly. I am clicking quote, is this right?

Good question Geebray I really don't know.

Just go, mate! Buy tickets, pack passport, go.

It doesn't have to be for a majorly long time at first. Pick a country in, say, Europe - and go!

You are not going to forget about travelling so you should go ahead and do it. You may or may not reconnect with her when you're back.

Travel, obviously! Expand your mind, do things you’ve never done, break out of this grim-sounding cycle of worrying about being alone and watching other men drinking with their sons! You may fall in love with a place, or a person and never come back.

Also, this new relationship sounds ill-founded. Not only did you get together only a couple of months after ending a longterm relationship, in classic rebound territory, you really shouldn’t have even been introduced to your girlfriend’s young daughters this quickly, AND you shouldn’t even be contemplating not doing something you’ve always wanted because of a rebound relationship of only a few months.

You seem to make a habit of forming relationships with women who don’t share your interest in travelling. Be single for a while and get out your backpack.

X-post. I think this is a good question.

Go travelling. Come back, see if she is still single. If not, move on.

Yes it's a no-brainer, go travelling!
I'll also add that you only broke up with your ex recently so I'd suggest also using the solo time to get acquainted with yourself again and be clear about the sort of partner you're looking for in future. What you want might change after you've travelled.

I think you should put more thought into why you want children. Wanting them so that you 'won't be alone' and can have a pint with them at some point long in the future isn't really a good enough reason.

Do it... go travelling. You will always regret it if you don't. Who knows what will happen... you might meet someone abroad - happened to lots of friends- be prepared for the whole course of your life to change...

Definitely go travelling. My DH and I both love to travel and we'd have never been happy starting a family we hadn't got the travel bug, at least somewhat, out of our systems first. If you have wanderlust, it never goes away, but you can tame the beast for a bit by feeding it.

So do this trip that you're dreaming of, in fact, starting planning it now. You're male and you're only 32 (as others have pointed out). You have time! If you were a woman then my advice might be different, but you aren't, so lucky you.

As for your relationship with a woman who already has kids, isn't sure she wants any more and doesn't have that wanderlust - I don't think she's the woman for you. It really doesn't matter where you come from, but it's important to marry someone who agrees with where you're going to. In other words, marry someone who wants the same things in life that you do. And if that's kids and travel, then marry someone who also wants those two things, if you want to have a happy life. Since this woman ticks neither of those boxes, I don't think she's a keeper anyway. You need to think long-term when it comes to picking a life partner. Really long-term.