Age gap

[Bigjohn12345]

Hi there just wondering people’s view on age gap relationships. I’m a guy 55 and recently started seeing a woman of 43 so how will it affect us later in life. We’ve recently moved in together and all is well

There is a 14 year gap in my relationship (m 64, f 50). I would not have chosen it but it works and we are very happy. We are looking to retirement planning for him, which will require more creativity as I’ve got more years in work ahead. I can buy additional leave and he plans to continue part-time. It is very important to us to maintain healthy lifestyles- exercise and a wholesome diet. No guarantees so we enjoy the small things and live in the moment

That’s not a massive age gap so you’ll not have the issue of her being the same age as your children but I’m also assuming you’ll not be looking to have children.

The main issue you guys will have is expectations around retirement - if you can both afford to retire at your retirement age then that’s great but if not, how is life going to look when you’re retired and she’s still working? Will she resent you being on permanent ‘holiday’ while she still has the pressures of work? Will you slow down loads and become a bit of an old man pottering about the house or will you keep yourself physically & mentally active.

The likelyhood is that you will get old/ill before her, is she going to care for you if that happens? Horrible to have to discuss but worth having plans in place - how enmeshed are your finances? Are you going to get married? Will she have your power of attorney? Will she inherit your estate?

I think you will need to have a conversation around retirement, finances etc particular if kids are involved since you will be teaching it much earlier.

The indirect experience I have from two friends in similar position is not positive I am afraid. I have two friends whose partners were 10+ years older and the marriages fell apart when the husband retired and the wife continued to work. The husbands health suffered in their 60s and they weren’t able to travel together much or do other fun things as a family, had to be put on heart medication etc. So this might be more of a contributing factor and is dependent on the individual person. Good luck!

Its all fine until it isnt….
bil is 15 years older than my sister. All was well until he developed prostate problems at 70. He aged very quickly, didnt want the hassle of their rural lifestyle, horses, duck pigs etc so they sold upand moved to a small town. Even though prostate is fine he is not the person he was, happy to sit around a do nothing all day, grumpy, no sex drive. 60 year sis is not a happy bunny
sure health problems can happen to anyone at any age but if sis was also 75 she’d be far less bothered

It's all good and fun when you are younger, but from my own experience of friends as well as my parents in age gap relationships, it gets very difficult later in life and the younger of the two feels trapped and resentful.