As the wise Attila said, definitely seek a face to face counsellor for YOU.
I'd say you need a space to talk, to think out loud, which is safe for you, without DH.
I have personal experience of what you describe. Sadly, many years of one P followed by an H who presented differently but in the end the effect was the same - confusion, misery and loss.
Unsettling, as you're describing now, easily becomes destabilising and wrecks self esteem. It's the idea in your OP that you need to improve to prevent his awful behaviour that prompts me to post, as Attila said.
If he's saying it's your fault (it's not), then the likelihood is you won't be OK with him. I am being purposely measured as I don't want to scare you away.
I hope that your situation is entirely different and that it works out well for you.
However I sorely sorely wish I'd found a way to have space to think straight, listen to myself and build up strength to reject poor behaviour and emotional abuse.
MN helped me leave P, but I'd been with him a long time and I need not have been. MN and my finally getting proper therapy is the reason I'm divorcing H, also long overdue.
Perhaps don't book anything yet. Take time to read your thread and digest and come back when questions occur 