Hi
I’m just looking for outside views here as I don’t know what more I can do to help my failing relationship.
me and DP havent got along well since DD was born 6 months ago. He changed suddenly after she was born, not having any respect for me and always putting me last.
I do everything at home - all cooking, cleaning, ironing etc etc, and I also do everything with DD - so all naps, baths, bedtimes, bottles etc etc.
DP usually comes in from work and spends maybe 5 minutes with DD but then he’s had enough and watches the telly for the rest of the evening. Usually at weekends he will find any excuse to leave the house and without fail goes to the pub every Sunday. He leaves the house from 8am and doesn’t come until 4-5pm on Sundays. I often see him texting friends to arrange drinks and nights out but most respond to say they’re spending the time with their families and then he gets annoyed with his friends.
when he is at home he finds any excuse to argue with me or make me feel like crap. I could say anything and he’ll find a reason as to why what I’ve said is wrong. I’m constantly questioning myself as to what I’ve done to annoy him and retracting my steps. It’s exhausting. He doesn’t appreciate all I do and I’m constantly having to ask him to money to do the food shop etc which does make me feel quite crap - ‘please can I have some money’.
we had a chat a few weeks ago about how to put things right. He said that he’d like to spend more time together, I suggested a date night and he agreed. I’ve asked him umpteen times now when he’d like to do said date night so I can arrange my parents to have DD, I’ve also suggested a couple of different dates. He keeps saying he’ll think about it. I’ve suggested different things we could do for the date and he just says ‘yeah nice’. I asked him today if he doesn’t really fancy doing a date and whether he wants to hold off for a bit rather than me keep badgering on about it (I was quite excited to be honest), and he just said ‘ok yeah’.
when I sit down with him in the evenings he sits in silence. I try to make conversation and he gives one word answers so I usually find myself sitting in bed next to DD on my phone. He never cuddles me, despite my efforts, and doesn’t want to be intimate despite my efforts on this front too. He spends most nights asleep on the sofa and says that he didn’t realise he just fell asleep and woke up and it was morning, but I’ve heard him quite a few times get up to get a drink and go back to the sofa rather than coming up to bed with me and DD.
I sometimes make him lunches for work (when I can) but honestly I’m run ragged so it can be difficult to do every day. I don’t do all the little things I used to like buying his favourite snacks when I do the shop etc, mostly because I just don’t have the time and I’m trying to be in and out as quickly as possible. But I do make effort to try and do dinners that I know he’ll like.
I feel as though I’m living the life of a single mum but with a roommate who doesn’t really like me. It’s such a shame as it’s like looking at someone totally different. I just can’t work out what I’m doing wrong? What should I be doing more of? Or what should I be doing less of?
a few of my friends have said I need to be tougher and make him responsible for staying home with DD on a weekend while I pop out to get my nails done or just get a coffee. And I have tried this - but often it’s more hassle than it’s worth as he only has something to say when I get back. Prior to DD I would have upped and left, but I don’t have the finances to fall back on so I stay because I’m scared of not being able to give DD everything I can now.
anyway sorry rambling and super long post. Just really looking for outsiders views as my friends often side with me but they would do as they’re my friends… so would be good to know what others think I’m doing wrong so I can try to put right and hopefully save the relationship.