Childhood memory bothers me

[Havechanged]

I'm not sure where to put this. MN, feel free to move to a more appropriate place. Have namechanged but long time user.

Don't know if it's relevant - My parents divorced when I was 3. Mum, me and sibling moved in with stepdad very suddenly. Probably an affair but I've never actually confirmed this. The split wasn't terribly amicable. One of my earliest memories was of my stepdad joking every time I cried that I sounded like a squealing pig. To be clear. I was repeatedly told that when I cried, I sounded like a squealing pig. And my mum just laughed along.

I don't know why I still think about it. Im a fully grown adult with a husband and kids and relatively nice life. How can I stop randomly thinking about this ridiculous comment?

It makes sense that this would still come up for you. It is a horrible thing to say to a child, no wonder the memory of it lingers. What probably makes it more painful is your mum laughing at the comment.
It might be easier to stop thinking about it if you first give yourself permission to be bothered / hurt by it. No need to dismiss your feelings OP. That was an awful thing to say and insensitive of your mum to laugh.

That was very cruel and I'm so sorry that he was allowed to say those things.

Your feelings are valid and you should have been comforted as a child, not made fun of.

Is there anything you can think of that would help you process the feelings from this? Are you in touch with your step father and if so, do you think you could discuss it with him?

It's emotional abuse OP. That is a really nasty way to treat a child and I'm sorry that it happened to you.

Therapy can do wonders. I hpoe you find some peace.

Your mind keeps taking you to this event because it was abuse and you have not managed to resolve it yet. Please seek assistance from Mental Heath professionals because the ones I have worked with are just amazing and can help resolve this issue. It is likely that you'll have others issues in your life as ramifications of this abuse and not even realise it. Get some time with a pro to help you out. You'll never look back

These memories must be painful. At the age of 3 children do understand when bad remarks are made, tactless as this one was too. Its understandable you were upset by this. Its a man you hardly knew, new surroundings and uprooted from what you knew, and it stayed with you because you knew how wrong it was. Even at a young age. Not silly at all.

I think that perhaps since you are now a parent yourself, you have come to realise how wrong it was and that you would never speak to your own DC in this way.

Thanks everyone for being so kind. It went on for years and became a running joke. I have a civil relationship with mum and stepdad. Rarely see them and only really speak to my mum via family WhatsApp - I gave up calling her regularly a couple of years ago when I realised she never made the effort and when I did call her, I always got the impression she was only half listening, never asked about her grandkids etc. I call once every 6wks or so now just to spiel off a commentary about my life because feel I should just incase she's interested.

I'd love to speak to them about it but I know they'd either brush it off as a joke and say I'm being sensitive or would deny it altogether. I left home at 17 and moved a few hundred miles away! I doubt siblings (younger half sister and brother who moved with me) would understand as they clearly had v different experiences than I did.

I was desperately unhappy throughout childhood and can see therapy would probably help me to process that. Can anyone advise how I'd go about this? I don't have a massive disposable income and worry I won't be able to afford to see someone for as long as is needed

I suggest having a look at the Counselling Directory website. I would recommend looking for an Integrative counsellor who works in a trauma informed way. Most counsellors offer online sessions so you won't be limited by your area and can pick a rate that will work for you.

I agree that initiating a conversation about this with your mum and stepdad might not have a supportive outcome and I would prioritise doing your own work on this.

Sending a hug to your younger self and wishing you well for your healing journey.