Looking for some words of advice from anyone who is going/has gone through similar with their parents. I didn’t have the worst childhood however my parents did not know how to regulate their emotions and me & my four siblings were shouted & screamed at, smacked by my dad and were witness to a lot of toxic behaviour/arguments between my parents. As a result me & my siblings have anger issues and a couple of us are extremely anxious and we all struggle with our mental health. They were emotionally absent parents who had four children very close together & I think they struggled with us all. Living at home growing up was like constantly treading on eggshells
As I got older things got worse as dad had a serious addiction to gambling & we almost lost everything and my mum went into a deep depression. She told me about it when I was 16 & going through my GCSE’s mentioning to me that my dad tried to end his life. Looking back I really hate that she didn’t try to protect me from this knowledge.
fast forward to being a mum myself now and I’m really trying to heal my inner child as since I’ve had children I have really become to feel a lot of anger towards my parents and how they bought us all up. Despite everything my dad did my mum stayed with him but is incredibly unhappy, you can’t be truthful with her or call her out on her behaviour as she will give you the silent treatment or shout at you/get nasty. My dad goes out of his way now to help me with anything if I need him but he encourages a lot of my mums behaviour & will stick up for her even when she’s in the wrong (probably from guilt for what happened in the past). He also loves to guilt trip me & constantly criticises my personality or even my house.
im 7 months pregnant with my 2nd & I find myself drifting from them more and more as I feel anxious in their prescence and never know how they will react to what I say & I’m constantly trying to protect my toddler from their behaviour. It’s a shame because my child loves them to bits and they are besotted with him. I just can’t deal with their constant negativity about life, my mum was round my house today and when I asked her how She was she said she’s been teary this week and started going on about all their problems and then she asked me how I’m going to ‘manage’ with two which isn’t the greatest question when you’re already nervous for another child coming! I’ve had HG too & she said at one point that it’s basically a mental thing and I need to change my outlook and the sickness will get better. There’s so so much more that’s been said & done over the years I wouldnt be able to write it all down. I just can’t stand it, it’s constant negativity, I wish I could brush it off but I feel like crying every time I see them when I have my own children to show up for.
sorry for all that information I just needed a safe space to vent about it. Just want to say My parents aren’t all bad, my mum can be very caring despite her toxic side & I know she had a very dysfunctional upbringing herself & an abusive relationship with her own mother. I probably need counselling & a lot of self work!