How do I talk to my daughter?

[CantBelieveNaive]

I honestly don't want to upset my daughter who is home from uni, but I really need to talk to her about how bad her skin is.

She has been on and off with acne since 15 but she is stubborn and won't take my advice! Argh

Eg the pill can help it (think it was Dianette back in the day).

She says topical Erythromicyn (which helped me lots) doesn't work on her, but it definitely improves it imo.

She wont take Roaccutane as she says it can make you very depressed!

I cant take her to docs at home, as she is signed on in uni town and apparently cant be signed up for both.

Whenever I bring it up she says I am rude but I don't want her to be in pain (they look very sore) and I want to prevent scarring in the future as she is so beautiful.

How do I get her help? It looks so sore.

Any mums had the same problem and resolved it?

Your advice is appreciated x 💕🙏

I would not mention it. She knows. Anything more and you risk ruining your relationship, qne makijg her feel very self concious which is arguably more damaging than acne. Just my opinion. I do hope she finds a solution that works though.

Presumably she's an adult so your discomfort around potential scarring etc is not her issue to contend with? I agree with her, you're being rude. If it bothered her she'd do something about it.

Do you think she's as bothered as you are? I don't mean that unkindly. It's a genuine question.

I took dianette. It did work ok but my boobs doubled in size. Much bigger risk of blood clots also. I'd probably prefer trying that over the other medication.

If you keep bringing it up without her raising it, it could really have a negative impact. She'll think you are embarrassed of it.

Is she asking for help?

I do totally get how hard it is to just sit back and do nothing.

Do you think she doesn’t know she has acne? Do you think she doesn’t know it’s sore? Do you think she doesn’t know what it looks like?
Of course she knows all of those things. Therefore what are you hoping to achieve by talking to her? Do you just want her to do as she’s told?

@Youdontevengohere bit harsh. It's understandable OP will worry about scarring - and how that is going to most likely upset her daughter in the future. No one wants their kids hurting over that.

It’s not harsh. Her child knows what her face looks like, how could she not? She knows there’s a risk of scarring. She’s decided, as an adult, that she doesn’t want to take medication.

@Youdontevengohere yeah I hear you on that. I didn't take any action for a while as I felt so down. This was about age 17. Very delicate subject.

Don’t mention it - she will be well aware of how her skin is and what doesn’t work for her, and you’ve already clearly brought it up a good few times for her to tell you that you’re being rude so there’s definitely no need to keep pushing it.

Really, do not talk to your daughter about this. If she brings it up, support her in whatever way she wants. She's an adult, it's not your business. You love her, so be gentle with her feelings.

I concede I'm biased but my DM has a history of making personal comments about my appearance under the guise of concern. More often than not it just means that she's embarrassed by what I'm wearing/that her friends' children are slimmer/that my haircut might somehow reflect badly on her. I'd be worried your DD might take it in a similar way.

As other posters have said, she knows what her skin is doing. I'd leave it to her.

My daughter developed painful acne last year age 14. She tried all the usual over the counter options and I told her if she wanted to visit the GP then we could and they may offer a solution. We went in Feb (she asked) and she was given a strong topical retinoid cream and went on the combined pill. 3 months later it is hopefully starting to improve but it seems it will be a longer process than we first thought. She was worried about the pill side effects but it is about balancing up the risks and benefits and only she can know if it is worth it.

Leave her alone. She will seek help if she wants it.

This … so much ! I’m 60 and my mum still does this! Makes you feel rubbish.

Aw thank you ladies for all your input and @Pantaloons99 thanks for understanding.
I think my daughter is absolutely beautiful and having had painful spots as a teenager, want her to get help earlier do she doen't go through similar pain.

Will back off for now. Happy Saturday! 🎉

If she asks you for advice, give it, but otherwise shut up. She has a mirror.

Leave her be, my mum still points out my spots and I'm in my 30s and hate it. She knows you'll support her if she decides to do something.

I thought your post was going to read 'I know she's on drugs due to the state of her skin how can I get her off drugs' but it seems your concern is cosmetic. Really leave her be or she'll stop visiting you. She should be able to feel comfortable and happy make up free when she is visiting family , you are probably stressing her out.