Did I betray my brother.

[wrinkledstocking]

My SIL and brother have had a very turbulent marriage for a very very long time with threats of separation seemingly every few months. Recently my SIL moved out ,one of several times where she stayed with friends for a month + / family etc. The most recent time she moved out she went looking for a house . I knew about this. Now my brother has found out and has gone BALLASTIC at me saying that we’re done and never wants to see me again for betraying him ,that I should be on his side ,and I should have told him my SIL was looking at houses. She hasn’t bought one btw. Is he correct ,have I betrayed my brother, who by the way I haven't had the closest relationship with.!!
Thanks.

Some men will always find a woman to blame for their poor choices.

You are Switzerland and owe him nothing.

I suspect you are getting to experience a bit of why your SIL keeps moving out. He is upset because his marriage was in worse shape than he perceived and he is taking it out on you. That is not justified behavior.

I had a strikingly similar situation with 2 close friends (I was in your position). The aggrieved friend did end our friendship - never saw them again, but they had also tried to make me choose between them and I realised that they weren't a decent friend in the first place.

Your sister in law put you in an awful position. I don't think you did anything wrong, if you'd spoken out you'd have come in it for it too.

I'd write your brother an old fashioned letter so that you have time to consider what you say.

Explain that you were in a difficult position, you thought rhe best thing to stay out of it and that (if this next bit is true) your loyalty will always be to him...apologise for whatever aspect seems fair (maybe error of judgement) but that you love him and hope you can move past it. Etc.

Thank you to everyone who commented . I feel better reading your responses and know what to say to him,if he’ll let me get a word in which he’ll usually shout me down and I won’t have a cat in hells chance of offering him my reasoning.

Don't bother speaking to him if he wing listen. What's the point?

You know you haven't done anything wrong.

It's up to him how he chooses to behave and react towards you and he will be the loser in all of this.

He doesn’t care about your reason and has no respect for you. Dont react. Dont justify. Ignore and don’t give him a platform to abuse you.

Sounds like my brother. Absolutely obsessed about having his back, yet goes around abusing people and never having their back. 🤷‍♀️

What does he mean by "have his back"? Does he want you to purchase every house in the country so SIL cannot buy herself a house? Does he want you to launch a political campaign preventing women from leaving fuckwit husbands? Maybe if he didn't shout down women his wife would be move inclined to stay. Ignore him OP.

No you did not betray your brother.

Given that it was a turbulent relationship and she had moved out previously why is it such a surprise that this time she moved out and was viewing properties. Viewing properties seems like a logical next step and would be predictable next step.

Your brother says he's done with you?

Sounds like you're the winner in that scenario.

I'd not bother explaining reasoning or contact him. It's no wonder your SIL moved out. He's a twat.

No, you didn't.

Thank you all. I feel so much better knowing that I’m not to blame. Altho would have taken it on the chin it I was in the wrong.!

I hope your sister-in-law is smart enough to actually leave him.

Your brother sounds dreadful. You owe him nothing, and do you honestly care if he decides you never have to see him again?

I'm silently cheering your SIL on and I don't even know her. But he sounds an abusive prick.