Am I being selfish?

[3butterfly]

My partner of 2+ years is still in the midst of a divorce, battling his ex who is very hostile and wants both the house and his pension, etc.

When we met, he was separated and waiting for her to sign the separation agreement. After nothing had happened for a year, she decided she wanted solicitors involved and to go down that route. She still takes her sweet time to respond to emails (usually a month or two), my partner doesn't want to confront her and in the meantime I am just expected to be patiently waiting… The big problem for me is that I still haven’t met his son! After 2+ years I still haven’t been introduced and we have to hide our relationship! My partner says that his ex has threatened to take their son and move down to England and he doesn’t want to upset her in any way, as she is capable of doing things like that just to be spiteful, and not take their son’s feelings into consideration. He doesn’t want things to have to go to court, as he wants to protect his son as much as possible. I absolutely do understand that, and I feel like I have been both supportive and very patient. But how long can I go on putting my own feelings aside? I feel like I’m not standing up for myself, and why does my partner feel that it's ok to just sit back and wait for his ex to take her time? Am I being selfish?

I don't understand what the problem is? Just carry on with your relationship. Let them sort out the separation in their own time in their own way - it does not affect you, does it? No need to meet the son anyway.

It affects me emotionally as I feel like I have been in a constant waiting position for 2 years. We are looking to move in together but can't do that until I meet his son, and can't meet his son until she has signed the papers.
He has met my 3 children a long time ago. I'm a very family oriented person and it hurts to have to be 'hidden away' and not acknowledged.
Maybe that's just me...

I can really see both sides here to be honest OP. I can see why you want things sorted so that you can meet his son and move in together, I do get why you feel that way.

But if his ex genuinely is as difficult & vindictive as you are saying that she is, I totally and completely understand why he doesn’t want to push and risk her stopping his contact with his son. You say you have children yourself, if you genuinely thought that pushing something could result in you being stopped from seeing your children then I’m sure you would be very very hesitant to even think about pushing, I know I certainly would be. At the end of the day your children are the most important thing, I wouldn’t do anything that could risk my time with them even if it was really important to my new partner.

It’s a rubbish situation but it doesn’t sound like it’s his fault or your fault, just something you have to get through.

Thank you for your comment. You are right. And I have always thought that I just needed to be patient because I would never be able to forgive myself if she prevented him from seeing his son because of me. It is like you say, just a rubbish situation to be in. But I know I just have to stick it out... Thanks for reminding me of that.

Will the separation agreement prevent her from moving to England and/or having contact with his son?

If not, I'm not sure why he thinks you can't meet his son juts now but can after the paperwork is signed?

I made that point to him as well. But he believes that once she has signed the separation agreement, which legally states that he has equal parenting rights to her and lays out how much time he is entitled to see his son, that she will be less likely to make any 'rash moves' because she knows the law can come after her and will.