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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hate my MIL + divorcing

6 replies

40weeksmummy · 13/04/2024 16:44

I had quite long marriage, more than 15 years. Yes, my husband was not perfect (he couldn't stand up for us) but now I'm realising that probably she did the biggest part to completely destroy our relationship.
So, whole 15 years I can't remember even single birthday, holidays, etc which wouldn't be destroyed by her dramas - fake sickness, calling ambulance and terrorising every single person of the family to "help her", etc.
Long story but she left us homeless 2 days before Christmas. She cancelled our tenancy agreement and somehow landlord thought it's us. I found out I need to move in one day when landlord came to give the deposit back.
She said that she is not grandma because I have two boys and she wanted a girl.
So you can imagine what kind of person she is.
I'm divorcing with DH and honestly I really don't know what to do with her. She started to show some kind of attention for my eldest (doesn't want to see the youngest). And I'm feeling sorry for him as my both parents died long time ago, she is the only grandma. But I can't even think that she is with my boy. I'm full of anger and honestly, I wish she would die. Husband wants our sons to see her but I wish I could bloody move out from the country and never see her again...
Any advice how to deal with this situation and how to find strength to create some kind of "relationship" between us that my son could see her...

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 13/04/2024 16:49

Leave her and exH to sort out that part of children's life.

How old is your eldest? Would they notice youngster is being excluded?

LaurieFairyCake · 13/04/2024 16:49

YOU dont

You just leave that shit to him on HIS time.

Just block her and never speak to her again

You're finally out Flowers

40weeksmummy · 13/04/2024 16:53

My sons are 6 and 2.
The problem that 6 year old is really happy to get attention from her as he doesn't have other grandparents. They met last week and I could literally see smile on his face all day because he "had fun with grandma". However, I know it's fake, I know her heart is cold as a stone. It's just really hard for me to get out of this situation....

OP posts:
Yorkshirelass21 · 13/04/2024 16:53

In England and Wales, grandparents do not have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren.However, they can try and get access through an informal arrangement or via a court order.
My DD hasn't seen her grandma for 5 years. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My mom is so toxic and narcissistic that I am still recovering from my childhood:(
Your duty is to your children.

Yorkshirelass21 · 13/04/2024 16:58

Just to give you an idea of what my mom is capable of - when I was 7, she told me that my grandma died and she never really cared about me. It turns out that she was pretty much alive, I found her when looking for her burial place through the council . But it was 20 years later. So my DD has a monthly phone call with her grandma, they talk about school, sports etc

WhiteLeopard · 13/04/2024 17:01

Just leave it all to exDH to sort out. No need for you to have any contact with her at all, ever again.

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