In (as my name suggests) a cesspit of a situation. I’m estranged from both parents and limited contact with siblings.
DM has significant mental health problems (lies in bed most of the day and doesn’t socialise, is racist and angry and critical)
since turning 10 or so I have remembered her bad humour and low level of care (emotionally) she was a great mother in terms of meals and clean clothing - for balance
anyway over the past 30 years she has been quite mean, plays the doting granny and then gives me dirty looks and sabotages things (catastrophising things and put downs) e.g at my hen party she faked an illness so dad had to ring me in a state and suddenly she burst making a miracle recovery (having gone to a&e a few hours before )
she tells me not to visit that my dad is sleeping and when I don’t then I get a nasty call what have they done to me???
anyway since Christmas I am done. I quietly pulled away. Dh mother died a few weeks ago and they came to the funeral and gave me dirty looks and ignored me. My father and I used to be very close which my mother hated. She used to keep me off school as a child but once I started secondary I realised this was wrong (I think she cannot be alone but is alway alone because of her personality. Even my father worked abroad for some time but he backs her up completely)
but I cannot live with myself. I feel it’s all petty - no abuse or incident would counselling help me here? Dh is drained so I don’t want to burden him. My parents ring dh time to time but he tells them I’m supporting my wife (they ring him to say how bad I am)
to summarise I was a quiet teenage daughter. No drugs. Studied and cleaned. Never did anything wrong I think but I used To come home from school to be told I smell of vodka and maybe needed a shrink when I was a normal teenager and they still tell me I must be mentally ill to treat my parents so badly … as I say a cesspit situation!!!!