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Original poster

What to do about this woman

22 replies

stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 13:19

I'm wondering what to do about this situation. Ignore or walk away or have it out with her

I've known this woman for about 10 years when she made a beeline for me and DH and seemed very keen to be our friend. This went on for a few years of lots of joint social activities and meeting their friends and family etc. then she suddenly switched to being distant and taking every opportunity to undermine me with sarcastic comments in front of people and to avoid me and DH but friendly to our face - it all feels quite toxic. I try to ignore all this to rise above it. She's like this with other people: either loves them or hates them. We live on an estate where everyone knows everyone else.

We're in a group WhatsApp that she is admin for - it's mainly her family and friends. it's usually banter, chat and arranging to meet etc I've kept on it despite her attitude to me as I thought I'd ignore her sarcasm etc but I'm thinking of coming off it as I feel I need to end all this nonsense or at least minimise the impact of her in my life.

What do you thinking should do?

OP posts:
category12 · 13/04/2024 13:27

I wouldn't "have it out" with her, she's really likely to turn it round on you. Far better to fade out, just be pleasant but vague when you do see her in person.

Either mute or leave the group.

Luluissleeping · 13/04/2024 13:29

Come off the app and ignore her. If she contacts you, block her or ask her "What's your problem?"

Sparklfairy · 13/04/2024 13:30

There's no point having a dramatic showdown, she'll just paint herself as the victim and spread gossip about you.

TraitorsGate · 13/04/2024 13:31

Just leave the group or keep inbut never read or respond to messages, its not worth having toxic people in your life

SkaneTos · 13/04/2024 13:31

I agree with the previous posters.

takemeawayagain · 13/04/2024 13:34

Just mute the group and fade out of the friendship.

ShrubRose · 13/04/2024 13:51

As PPs have said, I would mute the Whatsapp group. Don't have it out with her - this is a type of personality. They're your BEST BEST BEST friend - until they're not. She'll do it again to someone else. If you run into her, keep it cordial, but don't engage and certainly don't take her back.

Original poster
stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 14:37

Thanks I needed a bit of perspective as I often start to think it's me.

She's a bit of a Prima Donna, really so o don't want to give her the stage where she can play out a drama around me

OP posts:
ShrubRose · 13/04/2024 14:39

stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 14:37

Thanks I needed a bit of perspective as I often start to think it's me.

She's a bit of a Prima Donna, really so o don't want to give her the stage where she can play out a drama around me

That's just the right approach, OP. Well done.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 13/04/2024 14:43

Oh dear, social media again. Thank the lord we dont do group chats etc as they are more than often a recipe for trouble

OP, just come off it you will feel a million times better

Original poster
stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 14:44

Thanks @ShrubRose Flowers

OP posts:
FleetingPurple · 13/04/2024 14:47

You can lock threads now, which is a new feature. It's so helpful to stop interacting with a group without leaving (leaving draws attention to you but locking it doesn't)

CrunchingNumbers · 13/04/2024 17:18

Leave the group, tell her it's not your thing anymore but don't ignore F2F, she'll like the drama. Be friendly and wave from a distance, keep convo's short and polite. Avoid like the plague.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/04/2024 17:21

We live on an estate where everyone knows everyone else

I could not live there. Isn’t this part of the problem? I mean l
live on a road with neighbours and stuff. And we are pleasant to each other, but we don’t hang out together or know everyone else.

Original poster
stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 19:43

Thank all. Good advice and lots of food for thought

OP posts:
Greywitch2 · 13/04/2024 19:53

Come off the app. If you see her face to face and she tackles you just say casually, 'Oh we're just really busy. I had to cut right back on social media stuff,' and move on.

You don't want to spend time with her. Why would you care what she thinks?

MILTOBE · 13/04/2024 19:56

Does she like your husband, do you think? Is he on the group chat?

Gymmum82 · 13/04/2024 19:59

DH got a new phone recently. When transferring his WhatsApp it removed him from all of his groups, it’s been a real pain to be honest. Anyway if you wanted to leave but have an excuse you could say you got a new phone and it removed you

Original poster
stoppedwindows · 13/04/2024 20:03

I did think she was more into him than me when we first met. He doesn't go out of his way to engage with her c

OP posts:
Jammylou · 13/04/2024 21:05

You don't need to be around people who don't leave you feeling good....mute and distance yourself....don't have it out with her as she'll make a drama of it.
Leave the group distance self and block her from your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 21:07

Mute or block and fade her right out of your life.

isitbananatimealready · 13/04/2024 21:09

Yeah, just do a slow fade and mute the group. I doubt she'll even notice.

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