Default parent 24/7

[Mum2two2022]

I AM AT MY WITS END.

My husband is driving me up the wall. Married with 2 kids both work full time I work remotely.

I do everything within the house, clean cook, sort kids out morning and night. Take them to nursery. Docs appointments, bins out. Literally you name it I do if. My husband does NOTHING literally NOTHING. No matter what I say he doesn't change. It's like having a third child. Unless I say something like can you bath the kids or wash up it doesn't get done.

We both chose this life to have kids yet why am I the default parent all the time.

The kids ask him to do something and he don't so I end up doing it.

I am literally sick of it. I wake up early every day take them to nursery come back work do dinner pick them up day in day out.

I just don't understand how anyone can be so lazy and not bother to help. Thing is if I leave the house dirty or the washing it will NEVER get done.

So leave. I had one of these and when I kicked him out it was SUCH a relief. Sounds weird, because you still end up doing everything but you lose the resentment.

He will then have the kids at some point so you will get a break.

It won't ever improve. Trust me.

If you think 'oh I couldn't do that' then prepare to have the only life you have lived in misery. Don't get to 60 and regret not leaving him years ago.

I had the same and left also and now he has to step up when he has them. I still do pretty much everything and the kids see that. They know it’s mum who comes if they’re sick or have a doctors appointment. They are aware I’m the default parent and as they get older they think a lot less of their dad for not being there as much. I never had to bad mouth him his behaviour shows them anyway.

He won’t change so you have two options 1. Stay and deal with this lifestyle forever. 2. Separate and do it all still but with the knowledge that at times he will also have to do it all because he will have to parent separately from you. Honestly he doesn’t know how good he has it with you because you’ve never shown him what happens when you’re done. Enough is enough you don’t need another man child.

Don't be so sure that leaving is the answer my ex never has our kids hasn't seen them in a year no they don't have to step up after either....

This. I had a useless DH. Kicked him out and he didn't see (or pay for) the kids for years. Then he'd see them for a week in the summer holidays, to take them camping. I had them All.The.Time. Which is why I really dislike the 'if you separate, he will have to have them EOW and you'll get time to yourself' posts, because the chances are, no, he won't.

However, I did find the resentment was lessened because I was no longer picking up and clearing up after a man who thought my only reason for being on this earth was to do his shitwork. The looking after the kids bit I didn't mind, but looking after a fully grown man was a stage too far.