Am I selfish/rude not to want to always visit his parents?

[HotDiggety]

I've been with my partner several years, we dont live together as both divorced and no intention to blend families.

DP visits his parents every few months for the weekend. They live a four hour drive plus one hour ferry ride away. They are elderly and lovely people.

Each time we do this I have to organise my dc going to their dad for four days. It's a tiring trip, though his parents are lovely. The other trips we've been on also involve his dc, who are also nice.

However we never go anywhere just the two of us, which is what I'd like. When I ask for this he says he doesnt have the money, he's spent it going with his dc/parents. I have declined the trips at times but he's obviously disappointed. It sounds like no big deal, but it's causing a rift in our relationship.

Visiting his elderly parents every few months is not excessive and he’s right to prioritise these visits if that’s all he can manage financially.

But you are, equally, not being unreasonable to want to go away with your partner.

So you need to find a way to do this in addition to his parental visits not instead of.

Can he really not afford it, or is that an excuse, or is he being mean with his money? If he genuinely can’t afford it, can you pay?

To answer your question, I think it’s OK for him to sometimes do the parental visits without you, but not always. Perhaps go with him every other time. That sounds like a reasonable compromise to me.

It’s not unreasonable for you to say no if you find the trips tiring and a faff to organise, obviously he should still go but you don’t have to join him every time.