Would you date a friend's ex?

[WudYouRWudntYou]

NC for this, and adding some context

• I don't live in the same area as the friend, but we were close growing up and same Uni. But we don't see each other much these past few years.

• They were a couple for 2 years, but that was over a decade ago. No kids or anything involved. I'd only met him once or twice when they were together.

• I'd met him where I live now, we both live and work in the same area. Both single.

It feels a bit strange. But I like him. Any perspectives or experience from other welcome!

I would probably talk to them first if they were a friend. If they were a close friend then no I wouldn’t.

Usually it’s a no but in the situation you’ve outlined I think it’s fine, I wouldn’t let an old friendship that’s drifted dictate this one . Fill your boots op!

i also wouldn’t ask her for permission, you’re not close anymore and it was over 10 years ago .

A friend dated my ex. It was weird and I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t my business anymore. I haven’t seen her since though, and that was 20 years ago (they went out for 6 months).

I agree with this.

if it were someone you were close to now then it would be a no go, but doesn’t sound like you’re that close with her so I think go for it.

A friendship from many years ago that has completely phased out, yes. A current ongoing friendship, no. One of my friends did this and I just found it very weird, why would she want my cast offs. We drifted after that.

Thanks for the comments. It's hepful to get some external perspective. I really don't know anything about their relationship or history. We've briefly mentioned my friend, and they've not been in any contact since they split.

I'll think a bit more about it.

They haven't been together in a decade, so go for it.
I always find these questions a bit odd as I grew up in a small village and dating your friends ex was just about guaranteed unless the person had just moved onto town. 😕

How old were they when they were together? Did they live together?

I think if just teens when dating, it’s less of an issue. But be prepared to lose her as a friend if you do go ahead.

No I woudn’t. It’s always uncomfortable for the woman whose ex it is, there are other men you can date surely? If you do go ahead then you should be prepared for the “friend” not to speak to you anymore, which I think is entirely their decision.

Yes I have - and a friend has dated my ex.
But I guess I'm younger than most women on here (I'm 20) so my experiences really relate to teenage "dating" when we share "secrets" with each other. So I was liable to say, sort-of in fun, "I've finished with R - he's worthy of you now!".
Sorry if I sound facetious or wherever word I should use, but that's how my life is.

I think it should be ok, shortish relationship, not super close friend, long time ago. I'd speak to her first though if still in touch. Not for permission but it acknowledges her and should hopefully mean she gives her blessing and that's that. I would in her place, thinking of equivalent friends. Might not love the idea but I'd wish you well.

I think it's significant that you didn't really know him at the time, you met separately. Tbh if she doesn't like it let it put you off too much. She's had years to move on and you're not best friends. Giving her the heads up is just courteous.