Can I stop him?

[Hstyibg]

Me and husband have been separated for 18 months. Long story short I still live in the family home which I am currently in the process of having valued ready to either sell or buy him out.
We both now have a new partners, my partner spends time at my house, however because of exH’s unpredictable moods I’ve always asked new partner to leave at the time of drop off/pick up or children.
ExH told me last week I was being ridiculous and that I should allow him to stay in the house at drop off, which I argued I didn’t because of how anxious it made me due to exH’s moods, however I have allowed it since if that’s how he feels.
this morning, exH dropped off the children before the school run at 7.15, my new partner was upstairs, and due to the time I didn’t ask him to leave. ExH was clearly on the warpath and came storming in the house, went in every room downstairs and then asked why he was upstairs. To which he then kicked my new partners boots across the floor and went upstairs to ‘say goodbye’ to my middle daughter.
I think he was just stating his claim over the house almost to make it clear that it’s his (even though he hasn’t lived here for a year now)
am I within my rights to stop him coming into the house?!

Legally, no. You both have rights to be there (absent violence and restraining orders).

I think I would err on the side of treading carefully around this angry man who has the potential ability to make the sale difficult. I'd ask your new partner to go back to being absent at handover time, and just expedite the sale as quickly as possible so you can move forward and legally keep your horrible-sounding ex off your property.

It depends on how stroppy you are, I suspect and you sound as though ex makes you anxious.

For me, I'd be sending an email detailing his behaviour this morning and stating that in view of this, I was not prepared to allow him to enter my home again. That his behaviour was aggressive and intimidating and that in future I would expect him to remain outside the premises during pick ups whilst I fetched the children. I would also warn him that any further aggression of this sort would mean I reported him to the police and would be seeing a non molestation order against him.

He doesn't have the right to enter your home and behave like this. I would change the locks and seek legal advice. Yes, you both have rights to the property - but if he's been gone a year then he doesn't get to waltz in and intimidate you whenever he feels like it.

Thank you. You are absolutely right my anxiety around pick up/drop off is getting unmanageable I’ve considered getting medical help for it but the only time it happens is at these times or following one of these incidents so I don’t think I have a general problem other than how his behaviour makes me feel

Is there anywhere else he can collect the DC from @Hstyibg ?

Can you say that you will drop them at his DMs house? Or your DMs house?

I can absolutely see why you do not want him coming into your house and making you anxious. You don't need medication - you need a divorce from this dickhead and the financials sorting out so that you don't have to tolerate this kind of shit.

Do pick up/drop off at a neutral and very public place. Or alternatively is there someone else who can do pick up/drop off on your behalf?

My parents have offered to do it for me but I know he would see it as unnecessary and childish of me, so I’ve always said no, but after today I’m not so sure!

Why does his opinion matter more than yours?

“Hstyibg · Today 21:26

My parents have offered to do it for me but I know he would see it as unnecessary and childish of me, so I’ve always said no, but after today I’m not so sure!
Why does his opinion matter more than yours?”

This. His thoughts on the matter are completely irrelevant.

Yes, I guess they are. I think because I’ve been told I’m being ridiculous or over reacting I’m worried about his response if I do ask my parents to do the pick up/drops. It sounds stupid and I have no idea why the thought of his reaction bothers me so much

Don't change the locks - it's still his house.

Legally speaking correct but do speak to an experienced good lawyer about this if that’s something you wish to do… in reality it’s a bit more complicated than ‘it’s still his house’.

What age are your DC? Could you do pick ups and drops off from school. This is what myself and my ExDH used to do. I would drop dd off at school and he would pick her up, keep her for his few days, drop her off and then I would collect her that night etc.... we rarely saw each other

Do the drop offs at your parents. Send him one email stating, 'In view of how aggressive you were yesterday, barging your way into my home, storming into every room and kicking things about, I will not have you here again. In future pick ups will be done at my parents house'.

Keep it simple, keep it straightforward. If he objects just grey rock him. Keep repeating 'That's what is going to happen from now on'.

If he turns up at the house, do not let him in. If he is aggressive and barges in, then phone the police. Report him. Tell them he intimidates you and that you've asked him not to come here.

If he tells you that you are ridiculous just keep repeating, 'That's your opinion. This is what is happening now'.

He is banking on intimidating you and making you scared of upsetting him. Don't let him.

And please see a solicitor about some kind of final clean break. You say you are 'separated'. You need to be divorced.

I'd have sympathy if you hadn't said you'd been separated 18 months and STILL lived in the family house!

That house is part his. A couple of months post separation to get it valued and on the market is fine. 18 months is being a dick.