Separation advice and support

[RBush22]

Hi all,

I'm preparing to leave my partner (unmarried). We have 2 children (3 years and 6 months' old). I have coped 3 years and I think I've had enough. He does so little with the children, he is abusive to me, my family, his family, financially unstable, doesn't work etc.

My main concern is not finance but the childcare arrangements. I'm very against 50/50 as I think this is so disruptive for small children especially - moving from house to house, sleeping in different beds. I always put my kids to bed.

For those in similar situations, what sort of custody arrangements did you agree on? Any support for making the move with a useless father? I am so anxious about how my kids will find it all but I don't want to spend my life with someone so awful.

My ideal arrangement would be that they stay with me in my home (I can afford a stable family home on my own) and he visits them once a week maybe on the weekend for a few hours. I don't want them to spend any overnights with him due to the instability. Is that reasonable?

This was a similar situation to me, he has them EOW and that is enough for him (and me). He didn't want them any more than that and it wouldn't have been good for the children either due to his ineptitude and abuse.

I stayed in the house with the children and eventually bought him out.

It was tough in the beginning but I do my best to have very little to do with him now. Obviously we still have to message small amounts about the children but school does email him things too (not that he cares) so if he doesn't arrange a parents evening for him, that's not my problem.

My ex only had them for days for the first year due to his living arrangements but he did eventually have overnights - unless there is very bad abuse and neglect a court is unlikely to rule that no overnights is reasonable. With a very young baby, if breastfed you may be okay with that arrangement but I wouldn't count on it.