Always something wrong with DH

[wednesdaywoes]

And he's always moody, mopes around and does nothing around the house or with/for the kids when he's ill or injured. He always manages to be fine for his weekly pub night out with mates though! Then is tired/unwell again after.

The last few months he's had food poisoning, sore shoulder, bad back, and now a bad cold. He won't see the GP whenever he has anything wrong. Just lays around when he's not at work being moody.

If I'm unwell I get a cursory 'oh dear' but no sympathy or looking after. I was unwell for a few months a few years ago and he literally did the bare minimum. I was able to work but struggled with housework etc due to chronic tiredness, but he would literally wash two school shirts for the kids and not do a proper wash, and wouldn't cook properly, just gave the kids takeaways if I couldn't cook.

He's been in bed for two days with a cold and is in a foul mood. It just is getting me down a bit.

We both work full time btw and have two primary aged kids (10 and 11)

You are married to a fully grown man who can't be arsed to do anything around the house, or look after his children and his wife, but is always miraculously well enough to go out to the pub and do what he wants to do. What exactly are you getting out of the relationship that's positive in any way?

Set some boundaries and stick to them - he is choosing to do the bare minimum (if that) and he's getting away with it, so he's going to continue behaving that way because the only ones suffering the consequences of his inaction are you and your children. He won't go to the GP because there's sod all wrong with him other than lazy-itis, and as far as I'm aware there's no medical test for that.

Going to bed for two days with a cold is pathetic, tell him to grow a backbone and stop letting him walk all over you. You deserve better, and your children do too - don't let them grow up thinking that it's perfectly normal for their dad to check out of day-to-day life. Tell him how you feel, but bear in mind that you can't change his behaviour for him, he has to want to do it.

Incidentally, I've been in a similar position to you with my first arsehole husband. I know how hard it is, and I ran myself ragged trying to do everything, desperately trying to fix things that weren't my responsibility to fix. There will come a day when one thing on top of another piles up so high that it will come crashing down and bury you alive. Decide what it is you want, lay it out for him, and be prepared to accept that he may not be willing to change because he doesn't believe you'll do anything about it.

It's sounds like this pathetic excuse of a man is what he really is, given how long it's been going on. Do you REALLY want this to be for the rest of your life?

I'd be getting ducks in a row for a life without that man shaped waste of space in it.

Swizzel
You are married to a fully grown man

I'd dispute that honestly.

But other than that OP please take note of Swizzel's post. It will wear you down and leave you wondering why you wasted years with someone who adds nothing to your life but sadness and stress.

This sounds similar to my first long term boyfriend, who I left many years ago. In the end my take was that he was actually a bit depressed. And he could only feel perked up by having a drink with mates. I actually felt bad for him because it was sort of a personality trait. He was lazy, yes, but the laziness also made him miserable, yet he couldn't seem to see it. I am just thankful I dodged that bullet and am grateful everyday I didn't have his children (which I'd inexplicably wanted at the time, love is dangerous!). So maybe approaching him with curiosity first is a worthwhile tactic. Ask him how he is feeling usually, because he seems to be getting sick a lot and struggling. It could be that he does feel low. OR you might find he's just lazy. But either way, you've information to decide your next actions...