First relationship (ish) in years

[Trifleguzzler]

Hi all, I am trying to reach out to stop so I stop texting a guy.

I had a really traumatic divorce nearly 6 years ago. Totally shut down from wanting any relationship. I recently met a guy and we started dating, I really liked him and started thinking this might actually be my time.

He went cold and ultimately ghosted me, with a few drip feeds. I am gutted.

I feel like I will be on my own forever and feel so foolish that I let my guard down which took alot and this happened.

I had quite a big bereavement less than six months ago. (My dad) and my birthday is coming up, so I feel quite low anyway.

I feel like a bit of a mess, and I spent so long working on myself learning to be alone which I was fine doing and quite happy. Then this man rocks up and blows it out of the water.

I don't know if because of my bereavement I just scream vulnerable and he took advantage. I feel so stupid.

I just need some kind words of wisdom.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You took a chance on a relationship and that’s a brave thing to do.

We will sometimes meet people who are not meant to be and they come into our life for a little while - some teach us things about ourself and Not all are meant to stay.

Im sorry he didn’t treat you well, I can’t tell from your post what the circumstances were. But whatever the case, take some time, heal a little but whatever you do - do not ever reach out to him/text him. If he’s the kind of guy I suspect he is - from your post - he won’t be interested in what you have to say anyway. He may ignore it and then you’ll just feel worse.
He isn’t your person, save your time and energy for yourself and the right one.

When you spend time with the wrong person you’re delaying finding the right one who will love you the way you need to be loved.

Hi @Trifleguzzler

Two things:

1. Don’t text him (but you know that anyway)
2. Don’t be so hard on yourself

You’ve had a lot to deal with and this is just a temporary set back - you’re not back at square one. All the skills and resilience you learned & built after your divorce are still there and they’ll get you past thinking about this idiot. (And yes, you might have really liked him but if he’s treated you like this then he’s still an idiot). You deserve better.

You’re not stupid to have hope and to put your trust in people. That’s human nature. It might not have worked out this time but that’s just one unlucky instance, not the story for the rest of your life.

And I’m sorry about your dad. I don’t have wisdom for that one - I’m still fortunate to have both my parents. But I’ve seen friends go lose theirs and seen how hard that’s been (and still is) for them.

Thank you both, that really helped. I have been so tearful the last few days. I think it feels like one thing after another.

I just need to be on my own for a while longer I think. It's more peaceful that way. I had a glimpse of a romantic connection for the first time in a long time and it made me realise how much I miss it. I almost wish it hadn't happened as I was ignorant before and blissfully happy/unaware.