I’ll try to cut a long story short.
My sister has caused me a lot of angst over the years, playing mind games and creating a situation where ‘she cares so much about me, but I don’t care at all’. Sort of playing the victim or being a martyr? Hard to explain. She is extremely believable and won’t hold a conversation without it leading to a huge reaction or rage from her, then it turns to deflection and she will accuse me of all the things she is doing. She has been open to others about having MH difficulties in the past and often has problems with people in her life- friends, in laws etc but they are always the baddies in her versions of the story. Until I saw through it it had quite an impact on me. It is just hard work in general and we aren’t close, but not through lack of my trying (despite her treatment of me).
I’m pregnant- our parents know, and I obviously want and need to tell my sister the news before I tell other extended family. I have tried to meet up with her a number of times over the past month but she has always had an excuse. I would feel rude turning up unannounced as she has kids herself and it might be disruptive to their day or plans. The pregnancy won’t be a sensitive topic to her as she’s conceived without issues before and has only recently had one of her DC.
I am worried about how to tell her, given she is not free to meet me I can’t find an opportunity. If I text her she will create about the fact that I don’t care about her enough to tell her in person (has done this before when I told her we were engaged). She will already be angry that she didn’t know sooner and accuse me of not valuing her like she values me…
What would you do here?