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Original poster

Would a man run a mile?

24 replies

MrsSnape · 30/03/2008 14:59

Please be honest...

I've decided to give the internet dating thing another go but to do it properly this time...photos, a proper description and maybe send a few messages myself rather than just waiting for them to send me messages

I WAS going to wait until my life was more 'attractive' to other people, I wanted to be able to say I was a working single mum, renting privately...etc

But instead the situation is going to be unemployed single mum, council house...etc...

Please be honest, are men going to run a mile as soon as they realise my current situation?

OP posts:
policywonk · 30/03/2008 15:08

I don't know the answer, MrsS - but, to look at it another way, a man who would run a mile for those reasons is liable to be a bit of a twunt, isn't he?

PeggySioux · 30/03/2008 15:13

Well just because you're being honest doesn't mean you can't sell yourself. I don't think you have to put your tennency arrangements in your ad!

If you come over as positive and friendly I'm sure no one will run a mile.

If you sound down on your luck you run the risk of attracting an arse who wants to feel strong and manly by 'rescuing' you.

Surfermum · 30/03/2008 15:17

Could you just concentrate on saying who you are, what your interests are - because they're more important than where you live or whether you work or not. I'm quite sure you're far more than those 3 things you've said.

And I agree with PeggySioux, post with the intention of attracting someone really lovely, put that wish out to the universe. Make yourself sound great. Imagine lots of lovely men contacting you (I'm reading currently reading The Secret which is all about attracting back to you the thoughts that you put out).

mampam · 30/03/2008 19:27

I met my DH when I was a single mum, on benefits and living in a council flat. My exdh was being a real bastard at the time and I came with a shitload of baggage but he must have seen past all of that and fell for who I am as a person and didn't care where I lived etc.

It is tough when you're a single mum but like me you will get there. Good Luck MrsSnape .

3NAB · 30/03/2008 19:28

Why would you need to say you live in a council house? And you are hardly unemployed - you are a full time mum. Good luck.

zippitippitoes · 30/03/2008 19:30

well dont put any of that stuff you lemon

its just not relevant

keep it short, fun and interesting all they need is a hook to write back to you

and yes do contact them or you will probably get nowhere

and dont despair ime as being someone not obviously goping to get lots of interest if you send out messages you will get some interesting replies but it takes a bit of effort sometimes

OverMyDeadBody · 30/03/2008 19:33

MrsSnape, you don't need to put that you live in a council house or are a sahm in your ad, a good honest description of your personality and interests and what you are looking for is best.

I often think men will run a mile, but you know what, some of them don't!

If they meet you and like you, and get to know you for who you are on a few dates, where you live and what you do will be irrelevant really. You have a full time job, remember that!

Good luck! If you feel positive that will come through, and that will be attractive! Have confidence in where you are at the moment, it's not forever, you know that, and decent men won't run!

hecate · 30/03/2008 19:34

agree, where you live and who you rent it from is nobody's business! And a bloke who wanted to know all about your house and financial set up should make you run a mile!!

Cappuccino · 30/03/2008 19:36

well for a start of course you're single, you're going on a dating site. That's a good thing

and you have to say what kind of housing you live in? really?

OverMyDeadBody · 30/03/2008 19:37

Agree with zippi too, definately contact the ones you are interested in. And don't give up after a few days, sometimes you have to be quite patient and wait a while for anytihng decent to turn up!

I've just spent the day with a guy I met on a dating site. We spent all day with DS playing with him and going to the park etc. I already told him I only want to be friends (no atrtaction there) and he still wnted to spend his sunday with a single mum and her 5yr old! Only the twunts run a mile tbh, and at least that sorts te wheat from the chaff pretty nicely!

OverMyDeadBody · 30/03/2008 19:41

And you don't have to tell anyone you're on benefits, for all they know you could have a trust fund, or be living of inherritance, or have investments, anything!

Mucha · 30/03/2008 19:50

They won't run a mile! Not at all! Actually, you know, I can't stand those dating sites where they ask you to specify your income. I think it is outrageously rude and irrelevant and it says nothing about what a person can earn in the future. I am in your position and I was turning down prospective boyfriends until I met my toyboy.

postingforawhilenow · 30/03/2008 20:07

totally echo what has been said above, plus remember one very important point:

any man who would run a mile is not the man for you anyway!

Everyone has things which some would find attractive and things which some would find less attractive. That's why different people are right for different people. You are no different in this regard and ultimately there is no point in seriously dating someone who doesn't wholly accept you, warts and all!!

FWIW, many men find the qualities and strength of character involved in being a single mum very attractive character traits (and no I don't mean they are looking for someone to mother them! well, not always!!).

Good luck and remember that no matter what your situation is, there will always be 96 men out of 100 who are nothing like what you need, 3 who might be but don't quite make it and 1 who will be just spot on!!

A daddymumsnetter and ex internet dating guru

LaComtesse · 30/03/2008 20:17

You don't need to put your living details in your profile and anyone you start chatting to can be told these details in good time when you feel happy telling them.

Mamazon · 30/03/2008 20:23

if they do then i have no chance either.

Any that run are not worth chasing.

chocyholic · 31/03/2008 00:08

Oh, good for you! Just go for it and see what happens. Let us know how you get on?

Remotew · 31/03/2008 00:15

I would not even mention your financial status e.g renting from the council and not working.

I dont think men give a fig about your finances. I've read somewhere that men go for beauty and women for money.

That explains why I'm eternally single .

horsish · 31/03/2008 00:30

just make sure you choose a fab photo and away you go!

madamez · 31/03/2008 00:46

Definitely don't put your financial/housing details in your ad. Not just cos it might be offputting, but because it will appeal to predators, some of whom might even be actively dangerous.
Good luck and have fun BTW.

elkiedee · 31/03/2008 00:55

Don't include those details at all, not relevant at this stage.

And if you're a council tenant you'd be mad to let go of that to rent privately, I think. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

PurpleOne · 31/03/2008 01:13

Unemplyed? council house?? single mum?

MrsSnape, none of these have to be mentioned in your profile. Not until you get to know someone better IMVHO.

If a man runs a mile after knowing these things...then he wasn't worth knowing. He shoudl accept you, warts and all, package complete. That's the done deal. Best off out of it if he runs, he will only hurt you more in the long run.

Abusers also like to see weakness in a woman, The tiniest slither and they're in there...so best not.
Just put in all your positive qualities, your music taste, hobbies and such...then get opening them emails up girl!

Original poster
MrsSnape · 31/03/2008 17:29

Thanks for the advice.

I actually got talking to someone last night off a dating site and I wasn't intending to give away details of my finantial state but in the second message he asked me where I worked I told him the last place I worked at and then mentioned it was a temp contract and so now he's asked if I'm currently working.
I feel like a loser/scrounger saying that I'm not.

OP posts:
lou33 · 31/03/2008 17:47

i'm a single mum, 4 kids, not working, i still get messages

but you do have to go through the ones who message you and sort the wheat from the chaff

Mucha · 31/03/2008 17:59

Just say you are on a break! Loads of people do it anyway. If he decides not to contact you after, then he is not worth the time of day.

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