AIBU in feeling bitter and angry with my husband

[Jsym]

I’ve been married nearly 20 years, and my in laws have always disliked me and have said plenty of vile stuff about me behind my back. They came to visit us last summer (they live in another country) and stayed with us for over a month. My husband is a very different person in the presence of his parents. All the toxic male traits resurface and are on full display - he shuts down and does what he wants/they want with little to no regard of what I want or how I feel.
Given this, and the fact that I was living under the same roof as them for such an extended period for the first time - my husband and I got into an argument one weekend. Things escalated and his parents found out that we’ve been arguing for a while. Nothing else happened in the following weeks, and they went back home. Ever since, my FiL has refused to talk to me or acknowledge my existence. He told my husband on the phone that he hated staying with us and would never come back. He has not spoken to me at all since then, and if I answer the phone, he hangs up. Or makes my MiL ring us, then asks to speak to my husband.

My husband seems to think this is ok, and continues to be very amenable to this arrangement. He talks to his dad quite often, and seems ok with just ignoring my existence. He says he thinks what his dad is doing is wrong but does nothing about it. I am very annoyed with my FiL, even more annoyed with my husband and most annoyed with myself for being annoyed!! Help!

Looks like a good result to me.

Let the horrible old man ignore you.

Not only do you get to ignore him back, you need never ever share air space with him again.

I feel your pain...my FIL is a cunt, too.

I've been no contact with him for nearly a decade now. MIL died unexpectedly a few months ago, and my partner has made noises about 'how FIL understands you better now' ....hinting that I should go and visit him. I've told partner bluntly that his mother's death has made zero difference to how I feel about his father. The only thing that would change my mind would be a full, sincere apology ... and I think I've got more chance of going to Mars than that happening. Like I want to have anything to do with a homophobic, racist, sexist, brexit voting twat anyway...

I still feel annoyed by the situation sometimes. I was married before, knew my ex inlaws for nearly 20 years and always got on well with them. I had hoped I would have that sort of relationship again, but it wasn't to be. As I always say, a good relationship with your inlaws is a bonus, not a necessity.

But this isn’t about the in-laws - she doesn’t have to live with them - this is about a disrespectful husband treating his wife like shit. And enabling his parents to do the same.

I’m guessing this a cultural issue where they think their beloved son is not being honoured enough for the prince that he is, and the wife being too chippy and not knowing her place?

Can you leave op?

Sadly your husband is the issue here and he is the one that needs to take control of the situation with your inlaws. He needs to tell FIL that he needs to grow up and refusing to speak to you is childish and it will not be tolerated. Your husband should not allow your FIL to disrespect you in this way and by condoning the behaviour, he is also being disrespectful to you.

Although it has to be said that any two married couples living under one roof when they are not used to it, are going to experience stresses and strains but it was rather vindictive of your FIL to say such mean things after your had paid them the courtesy of looking after them for a whole month.

If your husbands personality changes when your parents are there, tell him how he comes across and how it affects you....if he still thinks it is OK....and not saying anything to his family is condoning the behaviour....then walk away, he is not invested in the marriage in the way he should be.