Advice needed - contemplating leaving my partner

[FTMLyReGr]

Hello!
I am contemplating leaving my partner. I’m a first time mum, my little girl is just over 4 months old. I understand that this adds a new level of stress to the relationship.

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 8 years, I was only just 19 when I met him, and it has been my only serious relationship. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago my partner was seriously sick, resulting in him undergoing brain surgery. He has made a full recovery. Since then he has not properly worked. He only does 2 6 hour shifts at a supermarket, and works mainly in the evening. He does not want to work more. As a result we’re around each other all the time (I’m on Mat leave). He thinks I will be happier when I’m back at work, but I think I will end up resenting him for being at home a lot of the time.

He says he wants to be at home to spend time with our daughter, but at the moment he hardly spends any time with her - I feed her, change her, put her down to bed at night and for naps. He spends most of his time playing video games. I don’t feel confident in his ability to look after her when I’m back at work. He also says he’s really unhappy and is struggling with the responsibility he does take for her.

What should I do? Is it just difficult because we have a young baby? I don’t know what to do!

Was the baby planned - as in has his lazy behaviour started since pregnancy and birth?

I would be cautious about him full-time childcare as, in the event of separation, he would then have the ability to claim residency and ask you for child maintenance.

Who pays for everything? I assume he is deemed medically fit to work, if so then I would work on getting his financial contribution up by you stepping back. He may not want to work but most people don't have a choice.

This is the problem, he’s always been like it to an extent. The baby was semi planned. I tried to get him into a job before she arrived, because I knew she would be another reason to not work. I had hopped that the baby might have made him think that he needed to do more for her.

We split the bills. Another part of the issue is that my partner came into some inheritance a couple of years back (money and a property), so he doesn’t feel like he needs to work. The thing is the money will run out eventually. And he’s not a particularly happy person, and I think a lot of it is due to being stuck at home. I’ve tried encouraging him to get help, but he doesn’t want to do anything about it. He is definitely deemed medically fit to work. Even his family have been asking about what he’s going to do for a job. He is so good at rationalising his behaviour, it’s impossible to get him to see things from another angle. To me it comes across as extreme laziness.

@FTMLyReGr What did you decide to do? Have things got any better? I am in a VERY similar situation, although my husband does not work at all.