Is it alot to ask?

[MrsSnape]

Is it alot to ask my mum and stepdad (who own their house outright) to be a guarantor for me for a private rented house?

I always pay my bills, have never been in debt, never late with payments and it is vitally important that I move yet she seems very unwilling to do this for me, despite knowing how depressed and worried I am living where we do.

This is the only house that has so far "considered" allowing housing benefit but only with a guarantor, am I right to be pissed off that she doesn't want to be a guarantor or should I be more understanding?

(she has agreed to do it btw, just very, very reluctantly and from past experience, she will probably change her mind as soon as I secure the house).

This may sound smart but it's not meant to. If you have always paid bills on time etc why do you need a guarantor?

This is a difficult dilema! Even tho your mum owns her hoase outright that doesn't mean that she has to hekp you. It's irrelevant really. You don't say how old your mum and step dad are and if they are working. They may not be able to afford the house if it doesn't work out for you for whatever reason. And if they are old (sorry) they may not want the extra worry at their time of life. They have, I presume, worked hard for their home, unless they won the lottery.

And as your mum has agreed to do it for you just forget about her reluctance and get the house secured as fast as you can so she can't change her mind!

Really not meant to sound harsh, just giving you a different way to look at things. Could have been worse, she may not have helped you at all.

Good luck in your new home.

Sorry, but I think it is a lot to ask. I know you say you pay everything on time, but if you suddenly didn't they would be liable.

Sounds like you don't have much of a choice but to ask, but you are asking for something big.

Thing is, I know its irrelavant but it was very easy for my mum, he bought that house 30+ years ago and paid £15k for it!

And I suppose I'm still a bit bitter that they made me move out at 16 which is pretty much why I'm in this mess to start with. I live in the worst area in Hull, its terrible and I feel trapped here.

I need a guarantor because I'm not currently working and landlords are all funny about housing benefit.

I just feel like I never get any help with anything.

Actually I am going to go against the grain here. I don't think it's a huge ask for your parent + step parent to be guarantor for rented accommodation. You have housing benefit, you pay your bills on time and it's not like your buying the house, so they are hardly going to get saddled with neverending mortgage repayments.

My dd is only 3, but I know if she was in the in the same situation when she is older, I would do it willingly, even if I was strapped for cash myself. That's partly the problem with society today, that families seem to be very unwilling to stick together and help each other out, it's bloody every man for himself these days! I live with my parents at the moment, and although it is hard they have welcomed me back into their home and will continue to help me for as long as I need it. That's the type of parent we should all aspire to be.

I think it is ridiculous that agents discriminate against those with housing benefit. It's actually far safer than taking on someone who is a freelancer for example. After all, it's guaranteed money for the landlord. I am reliant on it for my rent and would love to move out of this house but know it would be next to impossible because of the fact that most landlords specify 'no DSS'. Personally I think it is a bit mean of your mother, especially considering that she made you move out whilst still legally a child.

I agree with Greeneyedgirl and Mucha - I will be in your situation soon and my parents (also mum and step-dad) have already told me that they'd be happy to back me up if needed to get a place with my dcs.

You have a history of always paying bills,so I don't see why they're reluctant.

I would do it for my kids when they're older if they needed it-I guess because I appreciate how much my mum and (step)dad have done for me,I want to do the same for my kids.

My mum has told me that her parents helped her years ago to start up in a flat with my dad-so she's been in the situation herself and maybe that's why she's happy to do the same for me.

There's clearly a lot of different views here. Personally I think it's a big ask - it's taking on an enormous responsibility, and if they just dont feel comfortable with it, then they have every right to say no.Sounds like part of the issue is that you feel life has been comparatively easy for your mum. It's easy to be of other people's situations, but the reality is that 15 k 30 years ago was probably still quite a hefty amount. Having said that, I do think housing is a bloody nightmare these days, and not just for people in your situation, but for those having to pay mortgage or rent out of their earnings. I remember my mum being a bit when I returned to work when my dd1 was 3 months old, until i reminded her that housing can't usually be paid for on one income these days (or certainly then, with 12% interest rates).
I think you need to put your mum's situation out of your mind, because it's fruitless trying to compare who's had it easier. If she's not comfortable acting as guarantor, you'll just need to make another plan. there will be a way forward, not overnight, but a long term plan.

£15000 30+ years ago was not cheap - your mum will have struggled at that time too!

My mum didn't buy the house, she moved in when it was all bought and paid for.

When I was growing up we lived in horrible 1 bedroom, damp flats

Then your mum was very very lucky to move into a house all bought and paid for. I know it must feel tough, and I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but there is just no point in trying to draw comparisons. My parents were never well off when i was young,there was certainly no spare cash, but on the other hand my mum stayed at home which I could never have afforded to do. But then on the other hand, I now have the benefit of a good career which i enjoy which earns me a good income, whereas when me and my siblings reached our teens, our mum was struggling with boredom and low self esteem. What I'm saying is, life isnt black and white, there are many shades of grey, and although your mum seems to have it easy now, no doubt she's had her fair share of struggles. Living in horrible damp flats while she was bringing you up can't have been much fun for her either.
I think your best bet is to try to make a medium and long term plan which doesnt involve relying on your mum and step dad.

I don't think it is unacceptable to ask... so long as you make it clear that you will be happy with a 'no'(pointing out at the time, you are perfectly happy to accept a no answer, so as not force or coerce an answer). Expecting your mum to say yes would be unreasonable in my view.

That said, I know if it were my kids, then I would be devastated if my child felt she couldn't ask. There is a big difference between asking and expecting!