Red flags?

[lula99]

I’ve had 3 dates with a guy I met on Hinge and we have been messaging every day for a few weeks.
He is intelligent, good looking, has his own place. Good on paper. I have some slight reservations though. I have been told I am overly fussy and avoidant by a couple of friends so I never know whether I am being reasonable or not in judging something as a red flag or an issue. Firstly, he seems quite arrogant and says that he knows he rubs people up the wrong way because he sounds very posh. Next, his female friend bought him a porn dvd and he sent a photo of it to me. Also he talks about himself almost constantly. Our dates have been at least 75% him talking and on his opinions. I tried to share my view /input on something linked to what he was talking about (to do with jury bias for different types of defendant), he didn’t agree with my view (which is fine) but he didn’t really give me a chance to discuss and he didn’t really ask me anything about it. I felt a bit dismissed.
I’m not sure if a lot of this is bravado / trying to show off as I know he likes me a lot. Should I give it a bit longer to see? If this is just his character I’m not keen. My gut is saying to leave things but the comments from my friends are making me doubt whether I am being too fussy/hasty. Thanks for reading.

Talking about himself and dismissing your point of view isn't a great sign. I'd say bin him off. But then again my standards are sky high now 🤣

Honestly?

I think it's important to he attracted to someone but I generally find how good looking someone is to he the least important thing about them.

Intelligent and has his own place. I'd say those are pretty standard and normal.

The rest of it? I wouldn't he able to get away from him.fast enough! There's absolutely nothing attractive about a man who is arrogant; pushes boundaries; can't engage in a debate and won't let you speak.

Listen to your gut.

The arrogance and talking only about himself would be enough for me to ditch him. The porn dvd from female friend is him trying to get you jealous as well as putting the feelers out for whether you are going to be into kinky stuff IMO. I had an ex do the same - he was always subtly reminding me he had plenty of “female friends”.

It sounds like he has a very fragile ego wrapped up in bravado and people like this are usually nasty individuals.

Ask yourself why you’re willing to ignore what your head is telling you? It’s a good thing to have boundaries op - stick to yours. Next!

Firstly, he seems quite arrogant and says that he knows he rubs people up the wrong way because he sounds very posh. Next, his female friend bought him a porn dvd and he sent a photo of it to me. Also he talks about himself almost constantly.

Your arse should still be on fire after running for your life.

Never let friends tell you to aim lower.

What the hell are their boyfriends like?

You don't really like him so listen to your gut.

sounds horrible - ditch him, life’s too short to be spent around anyone who has no social skills and is quite frankly a dick.

An arrogant posho who doesn't listen and has a porn addiction?

Urrgh, no thanks. Next!

Ew, why are you still entertaining this one? The friend sending him porn would have me running.

Actually, in fairness he can't control what someone sends him. But to send you a picture of it after a few dates, that's just weird.

No way.

You want someone who is interested in what you have to say, not who wants to bollock on about themselves endlessly in front of you as an audience.

Arrogance? No thanks.

In what capacity was he receiving a porn dvd from another woman, as what, a gift, a joke, a suggestive surprise? Even they are part of the same rugby club or something and it was no more than a rude secret Santa, I'd be put off as in showing you, all he's said is 'i have another woman sending me sexual things'. You don't know her and aren't part of the joke so it looks dodgy.

Intelligent and solvent are absolutely basics. You then need to actually like them, get on, feel respected and heard.

Thing is, you can hang onto a 'maybe' and not be alone but it wastes time finding a really good match

He sounds absolutely fucking awful and you’d be mad to see him again.

Our dates have been at least 75% him talking and on his opinions

Why would you want to spend your time like this?

I went on a date with someone who talked about themselves non stop - I blocked him in the car park after the first date.

As for the rest of it 🤢

It's hard to say if it's a traditional red flag or not. But what it definitely IS, is a man who doesn't really appeal to you because he's arrogant, and not particularly interested in anyone else's opinion. which is fine. Throw this one back and keep looking.

He's a dickhead.

<bangs gavel>

I have been told I am overly fussy and avoidant by a couple of friends so I never know whether I am being reasonable or not in judging something as a red flag or an issue

Why do your friends think they know better than you about what the 'correct' level of fussiness is?