Is a relationship any good without LOVE ???

[AllYouNeedIsLove]

Is there anyone out there who is still in a relationship but basically doesn't love their partner ??

I have been with my partner for 8 years now and i haven't loved him for a while now. He still loves me, he tells me all the time.

Anyway, i am trying to figure out if i should stay with him or not. I mean we get on ok, sometimes have a laugh, but other times he really annoys me etc....you know like men do.

We do have kids together and i feel selfish for thinking about upsetting their lives just because i have fallen out of love with their dad.

Can i go the rest of my life without love in my life i suppose is what i need to decide.

How are you feeling all you need is love? xxx

Have to disagree that the can't get enough love doesn't last.It can and does and if that is what you are really looking for don't stop til you get it.I certainly had to wait but it was worth it Don't settle for 2nd best

totally sympathise AllYouNeedIsLove and many hugs coming your way...understand exactly what you're saying it's as if you've written about the way I feel about dh. he always says I love you, I rarely do, don't go weak at the knees when I see him and not very affectionate with him. The question I would love to ask you though if you don't mind is did you love him and go weak at the knees when you first meet him, as in has domestic bliss dampened your feelings for him, too much familiarity and spending too much time in each others pockets...when did the spice go? thinking about youxx

yes, me too, having read through this thread, all I can say is: you could be me. Things have been going steadily downhill between DH and me for, if I'm honest, at least 2 years now, and although he says he loves me, I don't love him any more and I don't think he'd behave the way he does if he really loved me either. We have 2 lovely children, aged 3 and 8 months, and our marriage is so bad now that I do want to leave. Up to now I've always thought things might get better, but when I talk to my friends about their husbands/boyfriends, I realise just how crap our marriage is. We've tried Relate, and things didn't get any better.

Reading the posts from those whose parents were in loveless marriages makes me want to cry. I just can't stand the idea of our babies growing up like that. I know I have to leave, but DH will fall apart as we are all he has. He is perfectly nice most of the time but can be extremely nasty and spiteful as well, and I can't see any way to have an "amicable split".

I want to keep things friendly, for the children's sake. Also, we can't afford 2 separate homes, so would have to stay in this house for a while. What I'd like to know is: is there anyone out there who has, after agreeing to separate from their husband, managed to co-exist in the same house on reasonable terms? For a while at least.

When I think of the dread I feel every morning, and I see how unhappy DH is (but won't admit it), I just feel so depressed. Married, 2 kids, thinking of divorce and not yet 30... hardly what I had in mind on graduation day, when I thought the world was at my feet.

sorry to hear that lulupop

My mum definitely loved my real father she got pregnant at 17 with me and he messed her about and left her She claims to still hate him to this day I am nearly 40 and is remarried for 25 yrs to the loveliest man(my step dad)but has never loved him.She says a friendship is more important but she is also totally miserable She is currently advising my 25 yr old brother to find someone that he is not too keen on but who adores him and then he will never get hurt and always have the upper hand This is what a loveless life has done to her!It is heart breaking to stay with someone for any other reason but love but maybe I am in the minority feeling this way I think every one deserves the real thing

it could be me too. DH nags at me for everything and criticises me if I spend too long getting back from school in the morning, if I go to school too early to fetch the children, if Im on the phone, on Mumsnet, on MSN. Ive just been to pick up dd from her friends house and the friends' mum does talk rather a lot so instead of getting it in the neck when I got home I asked dh if he'd come so I could pretend we were going out somewhere straight after fetching dd. Typcially she kept me talking for about 15 mins and he actually got out of hte car to call me! I am being totally stifled, and he seems to hate socialising whereas I do actually like talking and being fairly sociable. But then I think if I leave for these reasons am I being selfish depriving my children of parents who are together?

Thanks for asking Blossom xxx

Have to type with caution as dp is in the room.

Whowantstobeamillionare - Actually no, i never really ever went weak at the kness over dp, but then i spose i had seen what my parents relationship was like and perhaps thought that this was normal. He was nice to me, and that seemed enough at the time.
Hmm spose i really need to break the cycle then.

Lulupop - Have been reading your thread, didn't post as i felt i had nothing helpful to say as am in the same position.
Feel like i should have posted in my own name now, but really don't want dp to see.
It's interesting what you say about your dh not admitting he is unhappy, cos i think my dp is too but would rather be unhappy with me than be alone again.

You sound like you have made your desicion Lulupop ??

I am only in my 20's and i know the longer i stay with him the more regrets i'll have, and i don't cope very well with regrets, i have too many already.

Thanks sooo much to everyone who has posted, it is really helping me to see things more clearly.

Have to go again before dp is too nosey. xxxxx

If i get chance later i will post the words to a song that i listened to the other day, that made me think 'god, that is it'.

All you need is love - You know we are all here for you. It must be so, so hard for you right now. Remember you are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. It all seems a bit scary right now especially as you have young children. I think you literally have to follow your heart and think how would you feel of life without dp. That's how I feel when I get annoyed with dh but I have never once felt I did't love him. Don't get me wrong things have changed as they do with anyone that has children. Of course when we first met we had the butterflies, phoning each other constantly. Now it is different but the love is still there (does that make sense). More hugs to you xxx

Ok, here are those words. I don't usually associate song words with anyting, but these made me sit up and listen.

Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When i turn the lights out
When i close my eyes
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie

When i'm alone i feels so much better
and when i'm around you i don't feel...
Together doesn't feel right at all
together, together we've built a wall
together holding hands we'll fall , hands we'll fall

This has gone on so long
I realise that i need something good to rely on, something for me

Chorus again

Heart is broken
I'm lying here
my thought are choking on you my dear

Chorus again

And thats basically it, says it all for me really .

Good job it's not out as a single yet, i'd be in tears when ever it was on.

those lyrics really strick a cholrd with me too.

can you remember what the song was?

Jampots, I am thinking the same as you. Being fed up, bored, frustrated etc etc..... is it fair on the kids to leave? We only have one, but she just loves her daddy and I don't think I could bear to rip her life apart.
I also wonder if I'd ever find that 'one true love' anyway. Its a tough decision........
Have decided to try extra hard this tear to amek it work and to talk through all my feelings with him rather than just being quietly frustrated. He sounds quite similar to your DH in a way. Think itspossible to change them or am I living in unrealistic hope?

We went to Relate about a week before Christmas, prior to that i was ready to walk out, but thought I have to give it my best shot for the kids sake. We've been together 16 years and kids are 11, 10 and 8. I have left him before (for the same reasons) when they were much smaller and I wish I'd stayed away then, it would have been so much easier when they were younger.
Our situation seems pretty similar to yours except in reverse.
I have always been madly in love with him, thought the sun shone out of him, but he treats me like shit. Hasn't kissed me for years, sex was OK until recently although physical affection was completley missing.
Anyway today.....I've been thinking about having a dog for a while, and it's a big decision as I don't see myself as a dog person, but the kids (obviously) say they'd love one. They've sat around doing nothing over the holidays so today i said we'd go and have a look around the dog shelter. He says he doesn't want a dog in the house and refused to come if we were going there. So kids get in car I come back in and say I wasn't going to get a dog, just look around and at least it's getting the kids out of the house.
He goes absolutley nuts, "it's just like all your hair brained schemes and someone else will have to take care of it", even then it's not what he says but the way he spits his words at me with disgust.
Well, we had a great afternoon, the dogs were so noisy that one of my DD was pretty scared and I'm really pleased we went, it hasn't put me off, but made me realise there's lots to take into account, but the chance to speak to the kids without him there was a real eye opener. "Why don't I leave their dad, he is so mean to me, (and to them) talks to everyone in that put down way.

One of the things I have thought about for years, is that i don't want the kids to settle for this, I want them to expect to be loved and I'm not setting them a good example. The conversation with them today made me think I should get on with it now, and I told him when I got back, as we've been through this before I can't stand the way he'll behave from now, not speaking to me walking into a different room, and as for the logistics of it, I just want to be away from him, so thinking I'll get away in the caravan or something cos I know he won't leave the house.
I'm determined to make an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow.
I can't advise you and maybe going to relate will help you to communicate, as I'm not sure about what love really is anyway, all i can say is that if you are going to part, younger is better than older for the kids. I didn't expect this to be so long and I'm sorry for hogging your thread.

Hi again, thanks for all the messages. Sad to see there are so mnay of us in the same position.

Lulupop - It is Avril Lavigne, Together i think it's called. 2nd song on latest album.

Things are still the same here, i still feel like things will never get any better, and tbh i don't think i want them too.

At the end of the day i know i don't want to be with him, but i haven't the courage to end it.