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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage & Depression - Can we fix it?

1 reply

HangryHandful · 10/04/2024 15:57

I can quite understand that my PMS is becoming a real issue. it has been in the past & I took a low dose anti depressant for a short period of time which helped, until I got pregnant. Pregnancy really helps keep me grounded and level. My youngest is almost 2 which is around about the time I noticed my low mood was related to my menstrual cycle and I discovered PMDD. My relationship was strained but we worked through it. Having a young family isn’t easy either.

i admit I have been somewhat naive - I haven’t been proactive and it has crept up on me again. It’s taken a few cycles of arguments for me to realise oh wait a minute I probably need some help. and so in this respect I really do appreciate my husbands frustrations.

yet at the same time I feel like there is such little understanding from him. I told him this morning that in the week before my period is due I wake up with self hating and suicidal thoughts which is confusing because at the same time my rational brain can tell me that those things aren’t true. It’s hard and draining. I have made a GP appointment for Friday to get on top of things. What I’m struggling with is the fallout from my admission; an accusation that I have come to him with a problem, blaming hormones and saying it’s out of my control and he has said that my words and actions in turn make him helpless and depressed. It just feels a lot to have both mine and his depression on me. It’s my fault, as are every single argument we ever have and I am losing my grip on whether it is ME, hormones, or if he has a part to play in this too.

just need to put some words down before going home tonight because it will be more frosty atmosphere. I never really know what to say after an argument - I do feel like I can never say the right thing. I truly thought opening up this morning would have brought a more sympathetic response - we weren’t arguing at the time and although we had a tense weekend we had at that time made up otherwise I wouldn’t have spoken about my feelings.

the relationship feels fragile right now but I do want to work on it. I believe he does too & as such I’ve made enquiries for some couples counselling (he’s expressed an interest in doing this before) but feeling such despair at this moment in time. Can we get past our big feelings? (My period is due in 4 days so probably explains much of the negativity right now)

OP posts:
HowlongdoIwait · 10/04/2024 21:49

I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run.

Sounds like you're doing many of the right things to me - getting help, counselling and recognising that there is a problem in the first place.

I'm sure someone with some great advice will be along shortly.

I hope you start to feel better in yourself soon 💐

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