Hurt by DH comment

[somanycakes]

I may be making a bigger deal out of this that is needed but I can't believe the way DH says things sometimes.

We were discussing my cousin. He broke up with his girlfriend of a year a while ago. He is devastated. On the floor gutted, we've actually been quite worried about him tbh.

Anyway DH and I were discussing this yesterday and I said would you be that sad if we split up? His answer is I'd definitely be upset but I don't think I'd be as extreme as that.

We've been together 15 years, married 10 and have three children! My cousin was with his gf for five mins and is more upset than my DH would be if we split up!!

I understand that he might be less likely to fall apart but wow!

If you were discussing how bad your cousin is doing I think his answer is his reassurance that he reckons to be more resilient than your cousin. I think is a perfect answer giving the fact that you say that you cousin is still devastated after a year. Nobody wants to recognise their weakness up to that messy point even if he would struggle.

On the other hand people never get right this kind of questions. If he tells you if he tell you he is going to be all in pieces forever he is whichever and if he tells you that he will be upset but definitely will try to carry on he is whatever.

I wouldn't think another second about it, unless there is something on the side that you can feel in your guts.

I truly love my husband, I don't want to split up but if we did, I think I'd be upset but not bereft. But I don't tend to bereft about many things.

Don’t ask hypothetical questions if you aren’t going to like the possible answers.

I don't understand what the issue is.

OPs cousin is having a breakdown over a relationship ending. OP wants her DH to have an even worse hypothetical breakdown should their relationship ever end.

This is on similar "not a smart question" level of: Would you love me if I was a worm🥰
Pointless

Some people get upset, some fall apart. It is not a sign of how much they were in love. Like some people get over death of a loved parent easier than others. Did you want him to say dramatic nervpus breakdown or something? Why do people play these games?

In my 20s if dh left I would have been on the floor but now it would mean a personality transplant so I’d not be chasing him. I guess as we get older we become happier in our own company.

Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore dh but him leaving would not break me. I’m confident I’m myself - dh has been part of helping me reach this point and being my cheerleader so it’s not a negative reflection on our relationship.

Such a ‘fishing’ question.

Presumably your DH meant he wouldn’t fall apart to a degree that wider family were worried about his health a year later.

Which is presumably about his resilience rather than his depth of feelings for you.

Would you have felt better had he said he would throw himself off a cliff?

@Menomeno I know it probably wasn't intended but your comment really made me laugh.

It seems I'm being too touchy around this then!

I absolutely get upset by silly things like this too sometimes, so I’ll give you a hug as well as a kick up the backside! 😃 x

This all day long.

I hate secret 'tests'.

What exactly did you want him to say?

Surely his answer is a reflection on your cousin and his overreaction to the break up of a short relationship, not on your relationship? It sounds like your cousin hasn't handled the break up well at all. Some people are just like that, and some relationships, even short ones, can cut more deeply than we expect when they end.

Most of the time though, people are sad when relationships finish but they carry on with their lives. You sound like you want him to say he'd completely fall apart if you left him, which is, frankly, bizarre.

Thanks all, I've gone from being annoyed with DH to laughing at these comments 😂

Yes I have perhaps been a touch unfair in my questioning/expectations!

I guess you'd have been happier if he said he'd have a breakdown. Why ask hypothetical questions then get in a huff because you didn't get the answer you want? You don't get to choose other people's responses for them. & given what your cousin is going through currently, and this 'me me me' post - you are coming across as quite insensitive. Sometimes you need to have enough self-awareness to know that it's not all about you.

Such a ‘fishing’ question

Right up there with "If I died would you ever remarry?"

OP, the truth is that we really don't know how we'd react in any given situation until were confronted with it. Don't give this another thought.

I'm glad you are laughing and I hope some posters don't get all serious.

We all like to feel loved and I'm sure your DH loves you a lot.

Another good one to ask is "would you rather kiss me and £10, or the most beautiful woman in the world and you'll get a million"

I honestly love hurting my own feelings sometimes 🤣

That's exactly it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

There were women filming their partners asking them the question on tiktok:

If I died and you remarried who would you be buried with, her or me?

I thought it was funny and quite sweet but I didn't see any bad answers.