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Original poster

Where to go from here?

16 replies

BurtTheDurt · 10/04/2024 15:18

On Easter Sunday we had family over for lunch, all very nice, lots of joking and laughter. As one family member was gathering their things ready to leave they made a comment like ‘oh I suppose it’s chucking out time for me!’ DD14 then replied ‘yep go on then see ya!’. It was rude and me and DH instantly told her to apologise which she did. We then asked her to text the person and reiterate that she was very sorry.

The family member has read messages from DD and myself and not responded. DD then bought a card a couple of days later and wrote a long paragraph apologising for a third time, we know they received the card. They are still not speaking to DD. She’s gotten quite upset and told me and DH she doesn’t know what to do next. Although it was a rude comment it was meant in jest (not excusing it).

I feel like the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, and that even if the family member didn’t accept the apology then at least they can acknowledge her? Family member is in their 70s for context. Am I wrong for thinking this?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 10/04/2024 15:22

Am I wrong for thinking this

Wrong according to what?

If the person won't speak, let them. You don't have to 'think' anything. People can do what they like, and you can think what you like.

When they decide to speak, see how you feel then. Until then, get on with your life.

TokyoSushi · 10/04/2024 15:24

The person is being ridiculous, it's a teenager making a (not even that) silly comment which they've gone out of their way to apologise for. Leave them to it!

Original poster
BurtTheDurt · 10/04/2024 15:27

Watchkeys · 10/04/2024 15:22

Am I wrong for thinking this

Wrong according to what?

If the person won't speak, let them. You don't have to 'think' anything. People can do what they like, and you can think what you like.

When they decide to speak, see how you feel then. Until then, get on with your life.

Wrong for thinking the punishment doesn’t fit the crime?
It was someone (I thought) was very close to DD, that’s why she’s upset.

OP posts:
theworldie · 10/04/2024 16:31

Eh?

Your teenager made a joke in retaliation to the joke made by the family member and you have her flagellating herself to get back into this over sensitive persons good books?

I wouldn’t have even made dd apologise in the first place - it just sounds like a silly throwaway comment that was perfectly fitting for the silly throwaway comment the relative made.

Ansolutely bonkers overreaction IMO. I certainly wouldn’t make your dd apologise any further. The initial apology was fine if you really felt it was appropriate, the relative is being ridiculous.

Is this one of those situations where there is a will/inheritance involved so everyone has to kiss the relatives arse?

Bunnyhair · 10/04/2024 16:57

Are you sure this person is ignoring your DD, rather than just that they haven't seen / read the message or didn't manage to reply? It seems utterly OTT for your DD to apologise in person, over text, and send a card.

If they normally have a good relationship, is it possible this just wasn't a big deal to anyone but you and your DH and you've all gone overboard with the grovelling for forgiveness?

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 10/04/2024 17:02

The offended person is a bloody snowflake...

Bessica1970 · 10/04/2024 17:03

What do you mean by ‘not speaking to’ DD?
Do they usually speak to DD on an ordinary week? It hasn’t been that long since Easter.
I think you have all made a bigger thing of this than it needed to be. Just let it lie now and be nice when you next see them.

Original poster
BurtTheDurt · 10/04/2024 17:04

Bunnyhair · 10/04/2024 16:57

Are you sure this person is ignoring your DD, rather than just that they haven't seen / read the message or didn't manage to reply? It seems utterly OTT for your DD to apologise in person, over text, and send a card.

If they normally have a good relationship, is it possible this just wasn't a big deal to anyone but you and your DH and you've all gone overboard with the grovelling for forgiveness?

They’ve definitely seen all messages and received the card

OP posts:
Nicetobenice67 · 10/04/2024 17:05

That person made the comment in the first place …I certainly wouldn’t beg it sorry once is enough

PossumintheHouse · 10/04/2024 17:07

You've apologised too much for this. The comment was obviously made in jest, relative is being an arsehole. Stop apologising.

Wishimaywishimight · 10/04/2024 17:09

It was a harmless joke - anyone taking offence (at something they had started!) at it is being a pain in the backside. The verbal apology was more than enough, you made it into a much bigger deal that it needed to be by following up with 2 more (written!) apologies.

If the person is annoyed by a teenager playing along with them, then leave them to their sulking. Presumably they will realise in time that they are being an arse.

Reassure your daughter that she has done nothing wrong and that granny (or whoever) is being silly. Don't get your daughter into the habit of grovelling to someone who uses silence as punishment.

Nicetobenice67 · 10/04/2024 17:11

Wishimaywishimight · 10/04/2024 17:09

It was a harmless joke - anyone taking offence (at something they had started!) at it is being a pain in the backside. The verbal apology was more than enough, you made it into a much bigger deal that it needed to be by following up with 2 more (written!) apologies.

If the person is annoyed by a teenager playing along with them, then leave them to their sulking. Presumably they will realise in time that they are being an arse.

Reassure your daughter that she has done nothing wrong and that granny (or whoever) is being silly. Don't get your daughter into the habit of grovelling to someone who uses silence as punishment.

💯 don’t beg it ….I wouldn’t bother again I would wait for them to come to me if not ….laters

Bunnyhair · 10/04/2024 17:15

But can you be sure they’re genuinely offended rather than just not thinking any more of it? Have they spoken to anyone else about it?

Original poster
BurtTheDurt · 10/04/2024 17:36

Wishimaywishimight · 10/04/2024 17:09

It was a harmless joke - anyone taking offence (at something they had started!) at it is being a pain in the backside. The verbal apology was more than enough, you made it into a much bigger deal that it needed to be by following up with 2 more (written!) apologies.

If the person is annoyed by a teenager playing along with them, then leave them to their sulking. Presumably they will realise in time that they are being an arse.

Reassure your daughter that she has done nothing wrong and that granny (or whoever) is being silly. Don't get your daughter into the habit of grovelling to someone who uses silence as punishment.

I wish I hadn’t to be honest!
I confided in my mum and she made a big fuss and said DD should write to the person to be the bigger person but I do think it’s overkill.

OP posts:
Original poster
BurtTheDurt · 10/04/2024 17:38

Bunnyhair · 10/04/2024 17:15

But can you be sure they’re genuinely offended rather than just not thinking any more of it? Have they spoken to anyone else about it?

Yes I’m sure. DH dropped them home that evening and in a 35-45 minute journey he said they talked nonstop about how hurt they were and how it made them feel so unwelcome 🙄

OP posts:
Daffodilsarentfluffy · 10/04/2024 17:44

Sounds like they won't be back. Sounds like a bloody win..

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