If your sibling doesn't bother with your child, how did things change when they had children?

[Springingintolife]

Just wondering what to expect really. My brother hasn't bothered with my one DC much and I always wondered how that would change if he ever had a child. He's met them about once a year, maybe a bit more some years, for short periods of time. His partner has met my DC a few times. He never asks after them. Brings a late birthday present or Christmas present when he swings by for an hour- sometimes he does post the presents on time. I would go there, but we're not made to feel welcome. I have asked for more, in the past, but it doesn't happen.

I'm just wondering if in your experience, things changed when they had a child and they realised their child needed some family? Also, did you have to set boundaries?

I found with my brother who doesn't care my my children I don't care for his. Nothing personal but I hate their father. The sibling who made the most effort with mine had a child and I was filled with love and nag for photos if it's been too long. Definitely for me the cousins and aunt/uncle relationships are a reflection of the original sibling relationship

Coming from the other side I didn't have more interest in my nieces and nephews when i had my own kids. I agree with the PP its a reflection of the sibling relationship.

thank you, appreciate the replies.

I think you have to be realistic about other people’s level of investment in your children - particularly that of a childfree man who probably doesn’t have much interest in or experience of children, and particularly since it doesn’t sound as though you’re close as siblings, so he doesn’t have that bond driving him. Your talk of “setting boundaries” regarding any future nieces or nephews you might have through him implies that you’re not actually especially interested in a relationship with those nieces and nephews, either. If your brother did become more family-focussed you’d surely get to know his children and spend time with them based on whether or not you wanted to, not as a quid pro quo based on how much time he spent with yours.

by boundaries i mean, if he asks me to babysit or something like that. or only tells me about his child and never asks about mine.