Friendship question - what more should I have done?

[HavingAnOffDAy]

I feel daft even posting this but I'm really confused over this...maybe I'm overthinking?

For context I work fulltime, with a 2 hour commute two days a week, and am a SP to 2 DC who rely on me for lifts to work, hobbies etc. I also have a dog myself. So am generally pretty busy. But always make time as & when I can to help friends, neighbours out if I can.

One of my closest friends had an op on her foot (day patient) a few weeks ago. In the run up I offered help on the day of the op, asked her to let me know if there was anything she needed doing, sorting with her DS, dog etc. I messaged her on the morning of the op to wish her well, later on in the day to check it had all gone well etc & then checked in with her daily, offering help to do washing, take food round, pick shopping up etc.

I was in the office 2 days during the week, until after 7pm, so on the Friday, a week after her op, I popped round to visit, took a certain food type round that I know she loves, offered to run a hoover round, put a wash on etc & sat with her chatting for an hour.

It was clear she had help from her teenaged DS, her partner & a neighbour living very close by.

It was then the weekend & I was busy with my own family so didn't message again. On the Monday I received a message from my friend asking if I was OK as I'd been very quiet, and had she offended me? I was working at the time, didn't think any more about it & said no, not at all. As she hadn't. We exchanged a few more chit chat messages & that was that. I put it down to her having more time on her hands than normal & maybe the days of the weekend passing slowly.

I continued to check in on her in the week & arranged to meet up with her & another friend on the Friday night. All fine. Until my other friend asked if I was OK as the original friend had commented how I'd been quiet.

I was really surprised as I genuinely didn't feel like I'd been 'quiet' at all. I reiterated it but now I just feel really odd that it even came up in their conversation.

Have I missed something? Been neglectful? Should I have done more?

The friend having the foot op can takes days to reply to messages, and having scrolled back through a few weeks of previous messages I'm the one to re-start our chats checking in with each other 99% of the time. It's by no means unusual for us not to message over the course of a weekend.

I feel like I'm having to over compensate now, but she still hasn't instigated any text conversations, and I'm edging towards resentful.

She’s likely just had too much time on her hands, sitting doing nothing post op, expecting constant contact because she’s bored.
You have done heaps imo. You sound like a great friend, far better than mine!

She sounds like a bit of a taker OP and you sound like a people pleaser, why are you running around after her when she has a son and a partner. Did she thank you?

I'd wait now and wait for her to get in touch, bet it's longer than a few days

I feel like I'm starting to see that pattern a lot more in our friendship & I guess that's why I'm puzzling over it. It's a new dynamic & I didn't know if I was somehow in the wrong.

She doesn't live with her partner, hence friends & neighbours offering support.

You have done more than enough. Sounds like she is expecting that full on attention/help from you at all times. Like she is taking and you are giving. You have your own family and life to get on with as well. She has her family members to help her. Personally I would take a step back and see if she makes any effort as that tells you where you stand in her life.

Agree with others.
What you’ve done is amazing.
Leave her be.
She sounds spoilt.

You sound a good friend. Hard with full T too your days are busy. You can only do so much.

And she doesn't live with you either, it should have been him pulling his weight helping her, and the son

Thanks all

I think my instincts were right & that's why her comments have been playing on my mind. I really don't see what more I could/should have done in her eyes.

I was hurt that she even sought to mention it to another friend - as if she'd been discussing me falling short in some way, to the point that our friend asked me separately if I was OK as she was concerned about me being 'quiet' because it's not like me.

I will be taking a step back.

You sound like a great friend. If anything, you have done far more than most friends would do. The fact she has been gossiping about you to another friend isn’t great either. She’s the bad friend in this scenario.