Arguing

[HermioneRuby1]

DH tonight telling me what to and what not to do just generally as we're getting ready to go for an evening walk and I said the exact words of "please don't talk to me like that it's like you're chastising me all the time" he then said why you making out I do it all the time so I immediately said sorry poor choice of words at the end of my sentence I meant of course right now not literally all day every day. Don't even remember now what he was picking me up on as it's resulted in a massive row as my apology wasn't sincere and it not good enough. We're now not talking.
This isn't a one off as happens when we argue (which is allot in recent months) then there's no coming back from it, he will possibly not speak to me again tonight. In the past he may not speak to me over something equally small for sometimes days which we have discussed and he is aware it's not acceptable.
Please does anyone have any simple experiences and have any advice. I think we need to speak to someone professionally.
Worse thing is it massively affects my mental health as I feel like recently I need to watch every thing I say which is hard when menopausal and all over the place. If I say something that's come according wrong shouldn't it be ok to discuss it like grown ups appropriately and an apology be accepted or am I completely wrong and it's all me?

I think it sounds like you could both use some help learning how to communicate properly with each other?

Sorry for the typos clearly can't get words right

I agree we do need to speak to someone was just hoping someone might have some insight in the immediate situation. Thanks

Why is he telling you what to do/not to do? Do you have difficulties in any way? If not, and he's not doing it to be genuinely helpful then he shouldn't be telling you what to do. You are not a child, you're an adult in control of your faculties.

You said it feels like he's chastising you all the time so it seems it's pretty often he's doing it despite you backtracking when he challenged you.

He sulked and stopped speaking to you because he felt your apology wasn't sincere enough??

He's being abusive towards you. And I'll bet my bottom dollar that the things you've mentioned in your post is just the tip of the iceberg with him.

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this. You deserve so much better. You deserve not to be patronised, ignored, spoken to like you're a child or told what to do. 💐

Sounds like a lack of respect when someone speaks like that in my opinion. Would he speak like this to his colleagues?

Its a breakdown in communication, not sure a therapist can help here as its borderline abusive using the silent treatment as punishment. But it may also be that he is upset with himself for being a dick. But as this is something that has been a bit of a regular then I would lean towards emotional abuse. I may be wrong, only you will know.

What do you think a therapist will be able to do?

@HopeFloatsAbove I guess someone outside the relationship with objectivity to give some honest truths. To solidify to DH it's not OK and possibly give him some constructive tools to handle what he's feeling in those moments better as when I try to talk to him myself about it he believes I am completely to blame for his behaviour/reactions.
I also would like to explore for myself how I can learn to handle it better as right now I struggle mentally which I think is due to menopause also and generally feeling a bit shit.

Hi, I just came across your post as I am in a similar situation with my partner. I wondered how or if things improved?

Sure. Next time he's telling you what to do say, 'Please don't talk to me like that ' If he says, 'Like what?' Give him an example of what he's just said. If he doesn't understand what he's said wrong, explain how it makes you feel. He should apologise.

Sulking and ignoring you is emotional abuse and unacceptable.

Keep an eye out for DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, Offender.

Read a copy of Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and check out Assertiveness for Dummies.

He's a grown man and responsible for his own behaviour, you can't change his behaviour. You can only change your own.