Please advise me on how to save relationship

[makingitwork]

I am a quivering, seething mass of resentment.

Ever since DS (2.4yrs) was born, I have been less and less understanding of my partner.

He does nothing right in my eyes - I am constantly angry. About division of labour, money, parenting styles, everything.
He is not a bad man, I am not, by nature, a harridan. We should be able to work this out.
Moreover, this is not a healthy way to bring up much loved child.

My plan is to:

1. stop criticizing him - I am not the only person who knows what to do;
2. listen more; shout less;
3. have sex, even though I don't want to, mostly due to seething resentment.

But then I draw a blank, please let me know what else you think I should do.

I'm off to bed, so sorry for quick reply, but I would suggest, like you say, a week of no expectations. Assume you have to do everything, assume everything is your job, then when this gets too hard to bear, DON'T NAG HIM. Try this for ONE week. See how it goes. It may be enlightening.
Don't bother with the sex though, imo that may be a step too far atm. The first step is trying to establish a different way of communicating which may result in rekindling your friendship. One week, no nagging. I think you'll be surprised.
Understand how you feel btw

Sorry you are in this situation - but you soudn pretty determined to tackle it. So assuming you are both reasonable people, why do you think you are a heaving mass of resentment? Is it your partner's behaviour that's making you feel like this or your general situation? Home stress? Kid stress? Work stress???

I reckon you're half way there already. You sound reasonable, he sounds reasonable.

Men have a different approach to bringing up their children. You absolutely must let them do it their own way. You know this already. So yes, stop criticizing. Your child will pick up on this, and in years to come he/she will not like you for it.

That's the bottom line. Children are very defensive of their fathers. You must give him the respect he deserves as the father of your child.

Yes, listen more. And don't shout!

And again, yes. Have sex, even when you don't want to. A lack of sex causes mucho problemos.

There is nothing more you can do apart from the above.

And of course, you will do it. Because you're already almost all the way there by putting your thoughts on here.

It does feel as though it is his behaviour that makes me feel like this, although I think that it is unfair to him. For example, DS is in midst of terrible two toddler tantrums. Today, he scratched DP, to the extent that he drew blood. That is not nice, but DP's response was to pull his hair. WTF? I expect him to act/react as an adult, not as another toddler. However, I am sure that there are other examples DP could cite that would show me in an equally bad light.

Point scoring is pointless. Right?

I just don't know where to put the resentment.

Having different parenting styles is quite a big deal imo and I would go to counselling so that both of you can come to compromises without arguing and move forward with that, you could also deal with your other issues there then I would start going out as a couple of having fun together, being friends and working as a team then the sex will come naturally imo.

Is there opportunities in your day to talk about how things have gone, if something has caused you some level of distress you need to work it out rahter than let it build up inside you.
The sex is an important part of every relationship, maybe rathan than just giving in, you can work on being intermite sp sorry - together and build upon what you do love about him.
Well done for seeing the issues before it has got to far.
It takes two though so get him to work on the things that are causing the issues too.

good luck

I like Desi's post. It's spot on - you need to accept the differences in parenting. As your child gets older, IME, there will be far more sensitive and tricky issues where you may not agree on parenting, and it will take more discussion to resolve. But with a two year old, there shouldnt be any major issues. As long as the child is fed, warm, safe and loved, do the details really matter? I've seen fathers who end up sidelined by controlling mums who think there is only one way to do things. And one things for sure, your child will grow up happier and more well adjusted if he has two parents who share the parenting, even if the approach is slightly different.
On a positive note, you do sound determined to improve the situation, so i agree that you're halfway there.