Son and partner breaking up

[MauveKoala]

My son and his partner of 12 years are separating. They have one child who is my only grandchild, 6. They live on the other side of the country and I time my (invited)visits to coincide with school holidays, to spend as much time with my grandchild as possible ( usually 3-5 days), as well as helping out with childcare as there are no other family members nearby. DIL has recently unleashed a lot of anger ( I think connected to the breakdown of the relationship) in my direction, including the fact that she has never liked me. I genuinely thought we got on well and have a high opinion of her as a person and especially as a mum. I’m interested in hearing from people in any kind of similar situation and how they have handled it. My relationship with my son is good.

Has that come from her directly or via a third party?

Depending what was said, I’d try not to take it too personally. Emotions will be running high for both of them.

I’d probably reach out to DIL. Ask how she is doing and let her know you’re available to help with DC.

Be careful what you say to DS if you think it’s being fed back.

Direct from here via a WhatsApp message

Shes lashing out. There may be some truth in what she says but shes hurting right now and probably over egging it.

Reply gently. "Im sorry i have hurt or upset you that definitely wasnt my intention

Or whatever is appropriate

Then.... whatever has happened between my son and you is between you i am not involving myself in that. The important thing now is stability for the GC. Would you like me to come and Take them out on Sunday as usual and then they get the same routine and you get a break?

I’m sorry to say this, but you need to rexamine your relationship and behaviour whilst you were at their house.I doubt this has come from no where

@MauveKoala probably not helpful but do you know the reasons why they are breaking up?

I was very angry with my mil when I broke up with my ex. I felt she was telling him his behaviour was ok (it most certainly wasn't) and whilst I should never have involved her she involved herself. She rang me to tell me I was out of order for claiming child maintenance.

I honestly couldn't get my head around how, as a parent herself, she could condone her son not paying for his (and his other shitty behaviour).

We got back on track but we do not talk about her son at all. I only see her when I'm collecting DS as she does a ridiculous amount of childcare (for free!) for the ex. I always thanks her even though the favour isn't for me but for her son, who I doubt even knows the word.