Been with someone for almost 3 years. It probably took a year to catch on that he could talk a good game but not follow up. He's not a bad person, just lots of future faking, excuses, breadcrumbing and laziness.
It's now taken another 18 months to realise its not me or my fault. Low self esteem, a sucker for trying to fix someone. I've been working on identifying these traits and changing my behaviour. Working out why I've always buried my own needs. I know where it's come from and it's taking time to work through it.
I think I've been addicted to his treatment. It's reflected back how low I've considered myself to be. He leaves my messages unread for over 24 hours. He never makes any plans. It messes with my head and i used to question if he even wanted to be with me. I've spoken up numerous times about how it makes me feel, what my needs are, what I need to make me feel loved. It really isn't much. But I can see he can not or will not give me what I need. He says he can, if i try and leave, he gets panicky and begs to stay. He gaslights alot. A lot of victim mentality. Says he loves me like no one else does and knows me better than anyone. I can see its so toxic. I am lonely and wasting my best years on someone I may or may not see on any day.
It sounds awful when I write it, but I want accountability for my actions now. I think the wake up call was something he said the other day when I said I was struggling with the little contact again....explaining how it made me feel dismissed and not important to him. He said...I wonder do you have a chemical imbalance. Isn't that lovely and such a cliche. It's always the crazy woman narrative.
Just posting for support, words of wisdom for those that have raised their standards and disentagled from this nonsense.