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Original poster

Deleting friends

17 replies

backthere77 · 09/04/2024 08:56

I recently deleted three friends numbers from phone.
Don't know their phone numbers now.
Lost someone very special recently and these people just aren't that important to me anymore.
One of them used to be a good friend but drained me as mental health issues but constantly and always late before this and just stopped enjoying their company.
Other friend ok but everytime I went on holiday always had a critical comment about area I had been to and very nosey. Just stopped enjoying their company and last time I met with them I didn't enjoy it as much and other person not a real friend.
Also sick of my mil. She is up one one lot of family and then wanders why others can't be assed with her anymore. I'm just not that bothered about her now. Won't say anything to my oh but she has hurt his feelings. And he is not as bothered about her either.
Has anyone else had enough of people that are in their life?

OP posts:
Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 10:03

Anyone done same?

OP posts:
CoolRedSquid · 09/04/2024 10:09

Me! I curate my contacts fairly regularly. I regretted on occasion but in the main it's worked for me. Most people can be re-found if necessary, and you can just say you lost some contacts when you broke your phone. That's genuinely happened to me so I keep the really important numbers written down.

CoolRedSquid · 09/04/2024 10:12

I also have some long term friends that I've deliberately stopped contacting, and they me, because over the years we've all changed a lot and there is less of a connection. I tried to keep the friendships going for a while, but then found I wasn't enjoying their company much any more, so I've let them slide. I still have their numbers though and would respond if they contacted me.
Sorry you lost someone special OP 😔

moonlightandstars · 09/04/2024 10:16

Absolutely! Sometimes we just outgrow people and sometimes we just realise that they're no longer serving us (not in a horrible way!). I just mean, if a friendship is no longer bringing any joy, then it's time to move along.
Friendships shouldn't be as hard work as people make them. My couple of friendships (and I mean I have about 4 actual friends now due to the cutting out process over the years) bring me absolute joy to see or speak to them, and they're "low maintenance friends" - we don't have to be in contact daily or see eachother all the time, but if we need eachother, fancy the odd chat or want to hang out after weeks, months or even years, it's like we have never been apart❤️ And they're the people I know if I had a problem would drop anything to come help me, and I the same for them

Tarmacadamia · 09/04/2024 10:19

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate to this, I think - after a major bereavement a few years ago I had a sudden moment of clarity about certain people who were just bringing nothing to my life anymore, and I cut them off without a second thought. I think the anger that's part of the grieving process definitely fuelled it, but I have no regrets.

Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 10:23

Tarmacadamia · 09/04/2024 10:19

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate to this, I think - after a major bereavement a few years ago I had a sudden moment of clarity about certain people who were just bringing nothing to my life anymore, and I cut them off without a second thought. I think the anger that's part of the grieving process definitely fuelled it, but I have no regrets.

That's exactly how I feel

OP posts:
Beebumble2 · 09/04/2024 10:33

Interesting that these comments are the opposite of the other recent thread about how hurtful it is to be cut off without any explanation of ending the friendship.
Both sides say they’ve experienced grief.

Onelifeonly · 09/04/2024 10:36

I wouldn't delete the contact as many of my contacts never contact me / are from years ago, but I have let people drop and, I suspect, vice versa.

Last year two reached out to me at Christmas (one not for seen for 5 years, one longer) and we started meeting again. One has now lost her partner (to cancer ) and we've met quite a few times. We were never really close but we arrange to go to events together and that works better than meeting for a chat.

The other we get on like a house on fire when we do meet, but she never makes the effort and tells me every time she is hopeless about keeping up with people, but always seems delighted to see me. Its hard to know whether to keep reaching out. We've met twice so far, with me instigating each time. But I definitely enjoy her company.

There's other people I've given up on. One uncharacteristically sent me a round robin letter last Christmas (late, so in January actually) and reading it reminded me of how self centred she has always been. Even when we lived together in college, we always did what she wanted. I've decided we are not really friends and maybe never were - she feels like a user. I won't contact her again, even at Christmas.

Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 11:05

Beebumble2 · 09/04/2024 10:33

Interesting that these comments are the opposite of the other recent thread about how hurtful it is to be cut off without any explanation of ending the friendship.
Both sides say they’ve experienced grief.

I didn't see other thread but I'm just done with certain people and i haven't got the energy to waste time in my life with people I don't enjoy now.
One friend I have known since we young and she had severe mental health problems but everything is generally about her and just draining and always late so lack of respect for my time
Other friend everytime we met if I said anything nice about holiday I had gone on etc she would find something to criticise in a backhanded way, or people where I live something wrong with them and such.
Just don't need it

OP posts:
SamW98 · 09/04/2024 11:16

I have deleted a few people over last few years as I realised I can’t be around negative people, they drain me.

Ive got enough good people on my life that I don’t need joy sponges.

Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 11:24

SamW98 · 09/04/2024 11:16

I have deleted a few people over last few years as I realised I can’t be around negative people, they drain me.

Ive got enough good people on my life that I don’t need joy sponges.

Yeah feel same re mil too but can't delete her number but she is very up the ass of one of my oh sibling and partner and the wanders why we don't go to see her anymore.
This is an example of recent behaviour we were round her house before Xmas and she was going to oh sibling Xmas day so my oh said she was welcome Boxing Day to ours. Her comment was I'll see what the others are doing so that was it for my oh. She sends messages all the time saying how she loves us etc but actions speak louder than words.
So many other examples but not going say them here but I'm done with her too in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 11:27

She spent two days of Xmas with same part of family!
Hurtful so they can get in with it my oh says.....

OP posts:
Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 11:28

I feel relieved to get rid of these toxic people

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 09/04/2024 13:51

Sometimes you realise 'I'm fucking tired. I can't handle these people right now. Oh...I can't have these people in my life - because they'll continue to drain me until nothing is left. Because - all they do is take'.

Delete and block I say.

Original poster
backthere77 · 09/04/2024 14:04

Pinkbonbon · 09/04/2024 13:51

Sometimes you realise 'I'm fucking tired. I can't handle these people right now. Oh...I can't have these people in my life - because they'll continue to drain me until nothing is left. Because - all they do is take'.

Delete and block I say.

You are probably right.
I agree

OP posts:
Mary46 · 09/04/2024 14:55

Yes have done. Got all one sided efforts. If you dont see them or they add little to your life.. whats the point.

katebushh · 09/04/2024 17:22

Yep, as we get older we definitely outgrow people in my opinion, some of my old friends were what I regard as inherited friends via being wives or gfs of my ex's mates so it felt easy to sack them off last year after I realised one night that I just didn't like them and it suddenly became apparent they didn't like me.

I also realised that women are expected to be friends with men's partners however men are never expected to be chummy with women's husbands or boyfriends. It's like women are chippy or something if we dont automatically join in the gal group. Hmm

When I realised this is was very liberating.

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