So worried about my DH’s health (physical and mental)

[HereIgoagainonmyown237]

My DH is in a bad place and I’m not sure what to do to help him.

He’s in a very stressful toxic work environment. Because he earns a good salary, and likely wouldn’t earn as well in a different company/profession (it’s quite niche) he won’t consider leaving. I’ve told him repeatedly I would prefer a simpler life and for him to be happy, but he insists he needs this job as we live in an expensive part of the country (so are just getting by financially, with high mortgage and nursery costs).

We’ve recently had our second child and are both struggling with coping with the stresses of day to day life. We have no family nearby so don’t get a break at all. As I’m on maternity leave I do most of the nights with the baby, and am incredibly sleep deprived. I moan to my DH a lot about this - I can’t help it. He feels guilty, and will often stay up til 12/1/2am to give me a stretch of sleep. He then gets up with the toddler and takes him to nursery. This helps me massively, but then I feel really guilty for having moaned at him and about him being tired too.

He’s also very unhealthy - doesn’t eat well and does no exercise.

I feel like we’re on such a bad trajectory, and worry about our relationship and health. Has anyone been in a similar situation and has any tips?

Many thanks

Sounds like you need a circuit breaker. Not for everyone but we went travelling to escape this. Rented out the house which covered the mortgage +£200 and lived off that and my maternity pay. We went to an exotic and beautiful place with great cheap food where we could afford to rarely cook. Our toddler misses nursery a bit, but we go on a lot of playdates here and swim in the pool everyday which is a huge hit. My DH did the odd but of remote work but mostly we just devoted our energy to being a family of four and thriving rather than surviving. Kids are just so happy to spend all this time together.

Can he work remotely for a while? Take a sabattical?

I'd up sticks and move, and I say that as someone who has.
It's hard, but worth it, for better quality of life

Thanks so much for the reply. Wow that sounds idyllic, I would love to do that but sadly it’s not an option - our house needs a lot of work doing to it so isn’t rentable right now (which is a whole other thread!).

Thanks for your reply. Deep down I think this is what we need to do, but my DH is very resistant to the idea. I’m going to work on him to try to persuade him.

You're in a difficult season at the moment with a new baby. Things will get better as the baby gets older and sleeps more and everything will start to feel better. Try to look after yourselves as much as you can by eating properly and hopefully he can work out the issues with work.