Mother - difficult - narcissistic ? - depressed.

[Flyhigher]

My 81 Mum is very difficult.
Constant criticism.
Shouts when questioned. Had to control everything. Where you park. What you eat. If you go out or not.
I keep getting rattled by her.
My sister babies her and gives her practical help.

Does going silent help?

Or does just babying work?

Anyone else with one of these?

She sounds very wearing. Do you live with her/near her? How often do you see/speak to her? Can you reduce contact and make it on your terms? Grey rock her when she makes these type of comments. "That's interesting"/ignore.

Has she always been like this? I will assume yes, if so agree with the other poster, information diet/grey rock and don't see her as much. Have a boundary, so you can't stop her shouting but your boundary would be mum if you shout at me I will leave.

No don't baby her as she isn't a baby, she is an adult and faces adult consequences if she behaves badly.

Obviously if this is a really recent development and she was always lovely then perhaps it's cognitive decline - which still doesn't mean you have to take the beahviour of course.

What is grey rocking?

My sisters tactic seems to work. But I can't stomach it.
I see her every three months. Or so.
She's 200 miles away. Takes four hours. To see her. So hard to do in a day.

I think I can only spend about two hours with her before cracking. I can't eat with her or eat out with her.

She gets right under my skin. Which is thin to be fair.
She'll say.
You don't feel the cold. When it's warm.
I bought this bread you didn't eat it.
You have a spare key to the house and I don't.
You sleep well and I never have.
Where you live people are nice. I made friends there. Are they nice?
You are so fussy with food. I'm not.
You sort yourself out for food. Then when I do bring my own it's that I'm to fussy and nothing is good enough.
You father was awful to me. He wasn't.
O can't stand being with her.

Ah very draining. Mine same age.. I visit but short. Always negative. I keep details vague. Find she forgets we adults at times like we have consult her on everything!!

How short are your visits? I did one day and about five hours with her. It was awful.

Grey rocking is where you keep your responses to her bland and neutral so she has nothing to react to. Be utterly boring! When you do visit imagine putting your armour on and let her nasty jibes bounce off you. I'd stop for a snack on the way so you don't have to eat with her and keep your visit short.

Prob 2 hours max. The negativity is tiring. We usually do a few errands when I call as she doesnt drive.