Boyfriend stuck in a house bought with an ex. Not sure how to move on with our relationship?

[LemonSeal]

We've been together for one and a half years. He's stuck at the house he bought with his ex. It's been on the market for sale over 2 years now but no one is buying it unless they go well below the original price they bought it for.

He did receive one offer 6 months ago but he'd lose £20k so he didn't accept.

Ex moved out over 2 years ago and not contributing towards the mortgage. He's in so much financial strain.

It's been affecting our relationship as we're unable to do anything fun together. Over the weekend I told him he doesn't even plan say a picnic in the park. Something that doesn't involve spending money and not huge but still meaningfull.

He broke down crying and said that he sees no hope for us as he can't see the house selling anytime soon and doesn't want to waste my time anymore.

I do want to settle down with a partner and have kids as I'm 31 but I also love him so much and want all of those things with him. At the same time, I'm also losing hope and I feel like I need to put myself first.

I feel so stuck. He told me I could move to that house but I don't feel comfortable living in a house he bought with an ex. Even if I could move past the emotional side, it's in the middle of nowhere so not practical for me and I don't like the idea of paying towards his and ex's equity.

Would you break things off with him and move on or wait around for the house to sell?

If its not sold in 2 years then I really think he'll have to take a reduced price.
Or are you saying the mortgage owed is higher than the offers he's had?

That's what I thought. He'll have to cut his losses. So ex didn't put any deposit initially and my boyfriend did and ringfenced it. If they sold below the original price, I'd come off from my boyfriend's deposit. He didn't want to lose that much but it was his only shot and he missed. I told him that's what I thought and he agreed. He said that he regrets not taking that offer.

Could he rent it out and then use this money towards you both renting or buying a place together?

The ex has moved out ad moved on and he's taken on the mortgage and repairs and it's to be split 50:50 on sale?

Sounds odd. Should't he should have bought her out or be paying her half a rent or she should be paying half the mortgage?

So the relationship has been exactly like this for the entirety?
If there’s nothing he can do about the situation then you should cut your losses.

It's not easy to find a good man when a woman's biological clock is ticking. I would try to work something out with your current boyfriend

He isn't keen on that as renting out a house you're desperately trying to sell can go wrong in many ways and I do understand his decision.

If that's the only problem in the relationship then I think it can be overcome eventually. A solution will be found and I dont think it's such a big problem compared to domestic violence, emotional abuse, cheating etc.

Why isn’t she paying her half of the mortgage?

Where do you live? Could you move in to help the financial burden? He could get a lodger which isn’t the same as renting the whole house?

He can get a lodger, or turn half of it into an Airbnb. You can also move in and pay rent, would you rather give your rent money to a shady landlord or to your loving boyfriend? get a solicitor and have him make a document where you will own a part of that house once it gets sold just because you’ve contributed to the mortgage.

More than the house Im more concerned about your boyfriends inability to come up with creative solutions. He sounds quite a doom and gloom type.

Why will the loss come off his deposit? Any loss should be split 50:50 between him and the ex. In fact, he should take it one step further and take the outstanding mortgage payments he's made (i.e the ex's 'share') and also add that to the ex's 'loss'.

So, as an example.

Deposit was 20k plus 180k mortgage = 200k house on purchase

House sells for 170k so overall 30k loss compared to purchase price

Of the 170k received, boyfriend takes 20k for ringfenced deposit leaving 150k to be split against the mortgage owing. So BF and ex have 75k each from the sale.

BUT, boyfriend has made 5k of mortgage payments that are actually the ex's share so he gets 80k and she gets 70k. The mortgage to be paid back is 180k so 90k each. That means that BF owes the mortgage company 10k and the ex owes them 20k.

He can use his 20k deposit that he received back to cover his 10k o/s mortgage. And the ex, well she has to sort herself out and how she repays the 20k she owes the mortgage provider.

He's looking to you to financially resolve an issue that he got into.

He could have rented out the other bedroom all this time and/or taken the lower offer.

He seemingly wants you to move into a house you don't want to live in, in an area that doesn't suit you to make his life better, but what's in it for you?

I'd be wary of tying yourself financially to someone who's in a tight spot; why don't you just continue dating as you are for a while?

How much is the ex expecting to get if it sells? How much has she actually contributed if she didn't pay any deposit and doesn't pay now towards the mortgage?
Is there any way she could be bought out and you move in on a rental agreement initially?

Thanks everyone. I came back to the website and saw quite a few questions. Just to clarify:

Ex refuses to cover any negative equity. If they sell less than the original price, it will come off my boyfriend's deposit.

He looked into getting an agreement to say she won't get anything of the sale from the date she moved out.

He didn't look to get any lodgers because he thinks 'no one will want to live in the middle of nowhere'......

He never pressured me into moving in but it has come up and he said he's be happy. I'm not happy to move in though.

It depends on the wording in the trust deed. This is a good scenario but some are worded more likely that the mortgage company takes their share first then the deposit is returned before lastly any equity. If there’s nothing to say that equity shouldn’t be split 50:50 I suspect the boyfriend will have a difficult time getting money from the ex.

he should take it one step further and take the outstanding mortgage payments he's made (i.e the ex's 'share') and also add that to the ex's 'loss

He has use of the whole house and isn't (presumably) paying his ex rent for half of it. His paying the whole mortgage while occupying the whole house probably works out net about the same, or even a slight saving, versus his paying mortgage on half of it and paying rent on the other half.

Procrastination. I assume you can’t buy her out together?

Does he have a spare room? If he does, he will get a lodger. He's being an idiot not to explore that.

Has he completed a separation agreement with his ex? If he is paying for the property and she stopped then surely he would get more of the sale. He needs to speak to a lawyer about this.

If he sells for a loss this should be agreed legally with the ex that she also takes a loss.

Has he actually spoken to a solicitor? He needs to get legal advice especially if she has refused to pay into the mortgage for a 2 yr period and is refusing to allow a sale. That can be enforced through the courts albeit there will presumably be a cost. You might have to help there if you want to bring this to an end.

If his deposit was ring fenced under a tenants in common agreement then they will share the residual equity/loss. What she wants is irrelevant if she signed up to something else?

The alternative is that you buy out the ex and you jointly live in the house until the market recovers and you can sell but buyer beware, there is usually a good reason why properties are not selling. Are you sure he's not stringing you along with a convenient story? How often do you stay there?

Lastly, why doesn't he get a lodger if he is pushed to the pin of his collar to cover the costs of the mortgage?

Why should he pay rent if she is refusing to pay her mortgage obligations and deliberately made herself homeless? If she were paying her half of the mortgage then rent might come into it if he opted to live there on a solo basis

He sounds wet. The house is a problem, but it's a practical problem with multiple solutions. It sounds like he's just shrugging his shoulders and waiting for a buyer instead of getting on with solving his issue.

Ick.