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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Parental divorce - DD's birthday party

4 replies

Pineconepicture · 08/04/2024 16:13

My parents have been divorced for about 20 years, however they live on different continents so I very rarely have to even consider juggles/politics. They've been in the same building for my graduation and wedding without drama. They were civil but didn't go out of their way to interact. Both events were pretty heavy on the people so I guess they didn't have to. However my dad is back in the country next month and it's my daughters birthday. We're having a tiny party in the garden with a handful of friends, but would be the sort of thing I'd invite my mum to ordinarily. She wouldn't always come, but sometimes she does. I have a great relationship with my dad and so do my children. He's a total legend and I love the idea of him being able to be there for a celebration as it's a rare opportunity.

So basically... I have no idea how to handle this. Do I invite them both, tell them that's the case and let them decide? Or do I see one set on one day and one on the other? Am I just setting myself up for more stress than necessary by even contemplating having them both there?

Can't quite believe I've made it to 2 decades without having this conundrum!!!

What would you do?

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 08/04/2024 16:33

Op not me but my best friend had the same situation.

She spoke to both parents and invited them.
She told them the other parent was also invited and she would love for them both to be there and out their issues aside for their grandchild for a couple of hours to celebrate their birthday.

They both came and there was no problems or atmosphere at all

mindutopia · 08/04/2024 18:51

Assuming there are no issues like abuse or a reason it’s not safe for them to be in the same place at the same time (doesn’t sound like there is), invite them both and let them know you’ve invited both of them. They are both your child’s grandparents. I would hope they would both want to be there for her (and you) and can be adults for a few hours by being polite to each other.

mitogoshi · 08/04/2024 18:55

I would invite both but give your mum a heads up that he'll be there as she wouldn't be expecting it whereas he would not be surprised

Pineconepicture · 09/04/2024 08:56

I invited both, gave them the heads up and the option and they've both said yes! Thanks for the replies. See how this goes 👌

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