Let me start by saying that my partner(40 M) has been a good and supportive one and cares and loves me about me (37 F) a lot. We don't know each other for long, 1 year but I fell pregnant early in the relationship. I feel like sometimes he does invalidate my feelings and experiences. He said to me that he wants to get married with me when our kid can be a bridesmaid so that she can deliver the rings. This is his vision according to him.
I understand that and everything. We live together and have joint accounts, my name is on the tenancy agreement as a permitted occupant (not as tenant, we said that on March 2025 when the contract renews I will be in the tenancy agreement). My name is on the council tax with his name and on some of the bills. The past 2 days I asked him what is his intention from now on since we have a baby, cohabit and we are saving to buy a house. He told me that he is surprised with this question as I already know that he wants to marry me. I explained that I would like to have some assurances since we aren't married such as to sign a cohabitation agreement. He refused to sign that as he said that he doesn't need a piece of paper to dictate his relationship with me. I told him I really need to know if he is serious about us and this is a stable relationship and he is not just gonna walk away and not pay any support if we break up. He said that our girl is on the birth certificate and in this event the law is gonna chase him for support. He assured me he would never avoid child support. He didn't understand why I need assurances at this stage despite I explained to him why.
Yesterday another event that happened as an icing on the cake is that I was with his mum at an all day event with the baby and on the way back my battery died but I did have a contactless card for the travel (UK) This didn't work on the first bus we took for some reason but it worked on the second. His mum said that she won't leave us to go home alone despite that she would get out of her way for home. I told her multiple times she doesn't need to do that as she had a long day and we would be fine. She said she wanted to come with us just to make sure we are safe regardless of the battery situation. When I went home he was angry because his mum came with us as my battery died and she was worried (that's what he understood). I told him this is not the case she wanted to make sure we are safe regardless. Then he went on saying how he is angry that his mum wasn't home because of me. Then I snapped and we argued but then we calmed down and had a normal convo. He thought that because of this event I'm asking for reassurances now with regards to our relationship as he thinks I'm scared that because I have no family in the UK and we aren't married, that his family will gang up on me and they will take my baby. I said its not that I just wanna make sure where we are heading as a family and as a couple. He said that I'm on the flat contract and he can add me in the rest of the bills if it makes me feel more comfortable but he said he never asked assurances of me as he trusts me and loves me a lot and he really intends to marry me as he views our relationship as forever.
Anyway these are some recent examples. Also his family and other people keep mentioning how our daughter looks so much like her dad. I can't help but be bothered about this as it feels invalidating and a bit not so nice to me really. They might not mean any harm but I don't feel good. I feel like I'm not equal. Also he helps with our daughter but not as much as I want. He helped quite a bit the first month as he was on paternity leave and I'm on maternity leave. I understand he is working but I would want him to hold her more.
This is what I feel currently. I don't know if all this is justified or a start of a postpartum depression.
tl;dr partner doesnt seem to want to give me security