break up

[sr91]

I just needed somebody to talk to... My partner who suffers with mental health issues broke up with me last night. He said some hurtful things to me and has done some hurtful things to me. I wanted to talk to know if I'm the problem. Recently I have been feeling really neglected, I have been unhappy for a while and have tried to speak to him about how I feel but it always turns into a massive argument, My now ex partner has told me I am a selfish dangerous person. He says this because when we have argued there has been times that he has pushed me over or has ran past me which results in me having cuts or bruises but he says im the one to blame for it because I didnt let him leave ad because i have started to speak to some friends about what has been going on he has said i am a dangerous person. I kept my mouth shut for a long time because i didnt want people to know what was happening because I didnt want people to think he is a horrible person because deep down i know he is a nice person. Many people have asked me why i havent left him and i ask myself the same question but i dont know how to get away. I know he is not right for me and i dont know why i have stayed in the situation so long. He spent alot of time swearing at me and i asked him not to is this abuse? or am i overreacting ? he has now made the choice to leave me and i am tryig to accept it but i still cannot keep thinking if i was the problem. I have tried to support him through his mental health breakdowns and i gave him time when he needed it although i felt negelected i knew i had to give him time. now he blames me for the mental health issues and says its because of me. I feel stuck and broken and i really dont know what to do anymore.

Hey..

This guy's done you an absolutely huge favour. He's dealing with what sounds like quite severe MH issues that have led to his hurting you emotionally and physically, whilst laying the blame on you for his actions. He's reacted violently when you've spoken up to others about the reality of your relationship, calling you "dangerous".

Please go now. Don't waste this golden opportunity to walk away from an abuser. People like this drain your self confidence over time until you forget who you even were. It's a slow drip thing. He's also playing with your good nature; relying on your need to prove to the world that he's really a "good person" deep down..

And how's that going for you so far?

Leave sweetheart. You've already said he blames you for making him unwell, mentally. So you need to help him get better then don't you? Just exit this miserable relationship permanently and don't discuss the reasons with him ever again, unless you share kids, a business or property. Otherwise get out - for sake of your own mental health.

I have been in a less bad version of this. He will not take responsibility for his own mental health or lean on professionals rather than you unless you go. Everything will be your or your family's fault. In this situation, I came to a very sad conclusion that I was never going to be able to make him happy or be able to live the sort of life that he would need, and that staying was just making me ill and unhappy as well. It took me years to recover, but it's been the right thing for both of us. Time has been a healer, we are still friends, have both moved on with new relationships, and he is now well. It hurts, it will hurt for a long time, but the problem is bigger than you and you cannot fix it, and if he does not want you there it is your cue to exit. I would suggest making contact with someone - a family member, or failing that his GP or the mental health crisis team - on leaving so that someone will check in on him later in the day.

Thank you for this motivation i actually ended up in hospital on Tuesday (not his fault) just sick and I told him and he says there is no need to come and see me or support me as we are broken up and I think if that’s not a wake up call for me I don’t know what is Iv been at my lowest point and he hasent been there in fact he shouted at me for being upset I cannot wait to leave hospital and get myself back up and sorted