Signs your relationship is doomed

[moonlightandstars]

What are the signs that your relationship is coming to an end?
What are the main factors that you can't come back from?

When I found out my husband was having an affair, and taking our baby daughter with him to see OW, while I was fighting for my life in ICU following cancer complications.

Once the trust has gone.
Once you no longer laugh with each other.
Once you keep getting recurrent gut feelings that something is off.
Once you no longer want anything physical with them.
Once the respect (and self respect) has gone.

When that person refuses to have a calm conversation and acknowledge your feelings. When they can't show warmth or kindness towards your child. When they are dismissive over and over again.

Suddenly takes interest in their appearance with new clothes, weight loss, exercise, needs to “stay late at work” and has meetings far away necessitating overnight hotel stays, takes their phone everywhere and/or changes their pass code, says wait and see when you try to plan a future holiday, starts being proactive about diy in the house which you have previously practically had to beg them to do.
Yep, I missed all of the above because I had total trust in him.
If I had been on mumsnet then maybe I would have wised up.

I don't think there's a definitive answer here. I'm always fascinated by threads about the "final straw" because so often they're really small things that suddenly make a person's eyes be wide open as to how shit the relationship is.

But as an outsider looking in, I think that I always assume relationships are doomed when there doesn't seem to be mutual respect for each other. Having said that, I have a friend whose husband has never seemed to have any respect for her and they are still together and she seems happy so maybe I'm wrong or just seeing too small a piece of it. I do know that the time my marriage was in most danger was when DH and I seemed to have lost respect for each other and we had to work hard to get that back.

My sign has always been gut feel changes - 'uh oh' type feelings. When I was young I tried to bypass and silence them, but I learned that they spell the end sooner or later.

My sign has always been gut feel changes - 'uh oh' type feelings. When I was young I tried to bypass and silence them, but I learned that they spell the end sooner or later.

My sign has always been gut feel changes - 'uh oh' type feelings. When I was young I tried to bypass and silence them, but I learned that they spell the end sooner or later.

For me Was when he didn’t give a damn that I was unwell, he was completely indifferent and then openly annoyed. I had already stopped loving him due to his lies, manipulation, emotional abuse etc but when it was really clear he didn’t like me let a lone love me, it made me find my self respect and I told myself that was it. Been single 7 years now.

When my exH suddenly decided he was getting into fetish, swinging and BDSM outside the home because he wanted a better sex life than he was getting from me.
I was seriously ill at the time and he left me to do all the housework, life admin and garden and work full time while he lay about watching porn all day.
He still expected me to look after him and do everything whilst he was doing this.
Shame, it was my house not his and I had the locks changed and put all his stuff outside. He didn't get any of the house in the divorce because I owned it outright before I met him.

When you realise you're not on the same team.

Stop putting xx at the end of messages is the one I recall.

When you come on mumsnet for advice, but deep down you know the answers to your own questions 😳

I was so relieved when DH and I could stop doing kisses at the end of every message. It drove me mad.

And I don't think it's a coincidence that none of my friends are xxx people eother. Always find it a bit weird now when I do get xxx from people!