Toxic mum? Can you tell me whats happening and why?

[Picklesjar20]

I have had a mental illness throughout my childhood..7 years recovered and now i am not sure i did and it may be my parents?

I have Autism and the main thing i struggle with is understanding people. Lately since having a baby i am finding them increasingly confusing. I was wondering if you can tell me what is going on?

1. They keep gaslighting? We will talk about childhood memories, like casually about anything, a trip, a cake ect. And they will correct my own memory and tell me my memories are wrong.

1. Infront of family at gatherings they will suddenly direct snide comments at me. Eg: you were always jealous of your brother

Thing is that has never ever been mentioned or an issue, infact they would say that about him towards me. Me and my brother grew up best friends..
Then if i say thats rubbish, they do that thing again where they fabricate my own history.

1. They are telling everyone my baby is wrong, not like other kids and slow...(she isnt she is a happy healthy baby, confirmed by doctor, health visitors) but they are telling all these tales to people and family that now i am given support group links from them for disabled children...

They will gaslight a photo of her..its that crazy. Oh look she has cross eyes..she is blind..uhm shes not even facing the camera???

1. They have always hated all our other family members, since one member died they have befriended the wife and are best friends??? Whats that mean? Why suddenly become buddies with someone youve ignored all your life? They are doing it with a few people actually, including an auntie after her son died??

1. They say they want to support and pop over, but then if i accept, they go around saying how annoying it is to pop over and they dont get a life due to this hour coffee 😂😂 why did they ask for a coffee? Im so confused.

Why am i only noticing this now? Have they suddenly become assholes? Am i going crazy? I don't understand why the sudden ramp up to hurt me? If thats what they are doing, i just don't know :/

I tried to tell them not to insult me so much and they laughed, said im sensitive and to get used to it :/

Also i guess seeing how they are diagnosing a baby and convincing family she is ill (until they see her) .makes me wonder if i grew up being told i was ill and wrong constantly if that might be half the issue 😂😂 she even says the doctor must not be trained properly...

I am wanting to go NC..but im not sure if i am the problem.

Also i would be very alone :( i would lose a lot of people.

It sounds a lot like your parents may well have been abusing you.

You say you would be alone without them - would your relationship with your brother be ok? Could you lower your contact?

Don’t lose confidence in your ability to understand people because you are autistic. Autistic people can often see people’s motivations more clearly than NT people. What do you think is going on?

You have your baby.
And there are mothers groups and the like.
I think it’s sometimes better to go it alone than it is to be abused by people who are supposed to love you.
Try taking a breather - see how that works.
Sending love.

Do you have a partner? What do they think about your family and how they treat you?

I would slowly withdraw from them and if you want to see your brother for instance then see him separately.
It’s good that you’ve seen this pattern now and can call it out; you could well be right that they have always been abusive to you.

Who the actual fuck are you talking about?

I’ve reported this comment.

I did too, but thought maybe they'd like to elaborate.

Good, and fair enough!

Do you have a partner who thinks the same, gives you support when they are making these comments? Can you brother support you too?

Thank you everyone.

They don't say the things about our daughter infront of him. But he is getting really annoyed he was thinking about having a word with them. But in all honesty i think they will just attack him and i couldn't cope with seeing him be hurt, as when they get nasty or defensive they do get very personal. If you disagree about something random, you will suddenly get an intense insult like you being disgusting and often use the persons insecurities. Then as per a story will be spun to their friends of poor them being victims. I can't have him demonised as well its not fair as they are my parents, he should not have to be caught in the crossfire.

I only see my brother on odd occasions..they moved away and even in family chats he wont engage..so maybe they did/do it to him too without my knowledge? So he doesn't really have much interaction so we are quite distant now and i don't know how you reestablish a relationship.

I think its completely wrecked my confidence and self worth..i mean they are my parents and presume they love me therefore i keep thinking it must be me thats unloveable and causing this 😂 also all the gaslighting and telling me i cant take a joke is actually making me question my own ability to remember things and my mind.

Its just all my family (aunts,cousins) are all in the same town, so going NC will cause a lot of gossip. I don't like drama, i don't like talking about personal things and i wouldn't want to have to do a he says she says situation with everyone. I just want peace. So i wouldn't even know if anyone outside of it would want to still interact, so i would have to move away but can't afford to yet.

You have very unpleasant dysfunctional parents. Mine were similar, I eventually went NC after years of appeasement.
I think what they are saying about your child is totally unacceptable. They don't sound the type of people you could rely on for any support, comfort or love.
There is a long running thread called 'we took you to stately homes' a lot of us have batshit family like yours. I am high functioning autistic and it is exhausting dealing with the games and drama. X