Not my relationship, but...

[totallylost1]

My son and his girlfriend have just broken up. They lived with me for 8 months and I adored her, she was a lovely little thing, we spent so much time together and now she's gone. But not just gone a few miles away, she's moved all the way to an island off Scotland and I am way down south. I am struggling with the split more than my son is. I've just seen a pic of her and her mum and I am balling because I know I'm not likely to ever see her again.

I don't deal with separation well and I don't know how to navigate my way through this.

[YesThatsATurdOnTheRug]

Just give it time, that's all you can really do. It's very sweet that you got so attached to her but I think try to be careful in future as your DS will probably be in and out of several relationships.

[Jellykat]

I completely understand, having 2 sons..

DS1 is 36, and im still in touch with his first girlfriend from when he was 19, shes even come over to visit recently with her fiance.. meanwhile DS has been living with his 'current' girlfriend for 6 years and theyre really solid, so i feel pretty 'secure' in investing time etc.

DS2 (26) however, has recently split from his girlfriend, and im so disappointed to see her being unnecessarily mean to him (which has affected his mental health) I wont miss her thats for sure!

Theres bugger all we can do, but its so sad when you do really like them and you get on well, then they disappear.

Its like any relationship, welcome nice people in, enjoy being with them and see if they stick around.. theres no guarantee with anyone!
But i do feel as our DC get older, theres more possibility in them settling down, and having more long term relationships...

Hopefully your DSs next girlfriend will be just as nice!

[totallylost1]

This isn't his first relationship, he had his first girlfriend for 7 years but because I spent so much time with this one and she had some mental health issues which I related to we really bonded.

[Jellykat]

Can you send her a card wishing her luck with everything or some such ? maybe say you'd like to stay in touch.. would that be ok with your DS?

[Salaaaaaaaah]

@Jellykat

Can you send her a card wishing her luck with everything or some such ? maybe say you'd like to stay in touch.. would that be ok with your DS?

Was about to say similar... surely you can stay in touch with her OP?

[Feelingblue77]

@totallylost1 I can sympathise- DD recently split from her boyfriend of 3 years. They are only 21 and it’s long distance due to University and they really can’t see much of each other. I know they are young and it was unlikely to last forever!

I’m struggling and feeling sad about it. He was part of our lives for a long time, they experienced some milestones together, he came on holidays with us etc and I am fond of him and feel sad that he’s probably feeling upset now.

It’s sad the thought I probably won’t see him again or hear his news - unless they become friends. They are having some space at the moment.

I was hoping to reach out to him, as don’t want him to think we don’t care, but I can’t do that without DD’s permission and she’s got enough on her plate dealing with feeling guilty and upset that she’s hurt him so I won’t bring this up.

Just got to ride it out and accept it I guess. Although it sounds like you had more of a relationship with your DS girlfriend maybe separate from their relationship? So maybe you could get in touch

I don’t expect to feel so upset by this, but I am quite sentimental generally.

[totallylost1]

It's terrible. I watched the ship she was on sail out of the dock on a webcam located there and I freaking balled my eyes out for hours.. We are in contact but it's not the same as getting up in the morning and seeing her little face.

Today has been easier, I am still tremendously sad, but no tears today.
She said as she was leaving 'it's like we're breaking up' and I went 'absolutely not cause I still like you'...... I will hate this everyday...

[Orchidlie22]

My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago and I miss his Mum (she's 91). She has messaged saying she hopes we stay in contact. I'm so sad as I know she's not got many years left ☹️

[ALLURE69]

My son is marrying a caucasian woman & she do not make any effort to bond with our culture & pretends to care about his child.
She lives in my son's house & when I visit she always goes on her phone ; which implies I am not going to converse. She does the same with my daughter. I saw her on more than one occasion ignore my grandchild (my son's child) when he was tapping her leg, she totally ignored him when he was a toddler . He is 10 & when my son took me shopping & he got back , my daughter said my grandson said "dad I am hungry" my son looked at his girlfriend; who said that she was not my grandson's slave. These to me are red flags. I have tried to engage with her but she is as cold as ice. She comes from a family who reminds me of the programme Shameless. They have been together on/off for 8 years & are getting married soon. I have voiced my concerns to my son because I find her calculating & conniving. My son almost died once & whilst in hospital , she said to him that if he did pass she could see me & his sister kicking her out of his house. She also made a comment no other grandchild is going to be loved like my grandson is. I worked very hard & helped my son to purchase his first home & his sister who is a lawyer , said before you get married you should put things in place & do a prenup, to safeguard himself, she looked stoned faced & my son said he did not think she would leave my grandson out. As I pointed out to my son, if things go wrong people change. My mother finds her impersonable. Its' not because she is caucasian , because he has been out with them before & we got on fine. My spirit do not feel happy about him marrying her at all. I have tried. I want nothing else but for my son to be happy. 

[Feelingblue77]

@totallylost1 how are you feeling now? Have you had some nice messages from her? I'm glad you are in touch. I still feel so sad about DD's break up. We got so close to her boyfriend and now they've split he's just....gone.

He's likely to be upset too which really upsets me. Especially as there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. This has knocked me for six, really unexpectedly.

I really don't think I can get in touch until him and DD are back in touch (hopefully at some point) as friends. DD would definitely see this as me interfering, plus they are having space and I would be invading that I think.

@Orchidlie22 that's really sad too. At least you can stay in touch with him Mum which is nice.

[W0rkerBee]

Oh that's so sad 😞
Write to her on her next birthday. I think it's so nice to know that somebody really liked you for you, not tolerated for being a son's gf. She may well be back in your area in the future. Its not impossible

[VestibuleVirgin]

@totallylost1

It's terrible. I watched the ship she was on sail out of the dock on a webcam located there and I freaking balled my eyes out for hours.. We are in contact but it's not the same as getting up in the morning and seeing her little face.

Today has been easier, I am still tremendously sad, but no tears today.
She said as she was leaving 'it's like we're breaking up' and I went 'absolutely not cause I still like you'...... I will hate this everyday...

It is disturbing how invested you are in this girl. Would you feel the same way if the mothrr of your son's girlfriend wanted to keep in touch with him?
You were bawling your eyes out?

[totallylost1]

@VestibuleVirgin

Disturbing? No.

I invested a lot of time helping her with her mental health problems. I spent every day with her since June last year. I was with her during some horrendous moments. I grew very attached to her, it was very much a mother daughter dynamic. Her mother who i met when she collected her things was so grateful that I'd looked after her daughter so well and invited me to stay with them. So no, not disturbing, just a genuine relationship that grew into something really lovely.

She will remain in my life in some way and me in hers always.

[Feelingblue77]

@totallylost1 that’s lovely her Mum invited you. It’s nice you will stay in each others lives.

I am still quietly hoping DD and her ex boyfriend will become friends in time, and we still at least know how he’s getting on.

I care about him a lot, but didn’t have a relationship with him out with his relationship with DD, so not quite the same as you, as it sounds like you became her friend in your own right.

Hope you’re ok and feeling a little less sad.