I have no idea how to rebuild

[JamSandle]

I've had a series of unhealthy relationships. One drugs were involved on his part. Second was infidelity and deceit. I then got into a healthy relationship - the healthiest I've ever been in, and perhaps because of not being fully healed, perhaps self sabotage, this one ended because of me.

I cant forgive myself. I want to hurt myself. I dont want to be here. I feel ill never find love again. I compare myself to friends in long, healthy and successful relationships and think wtf is wrong with me and wtf have I done.

I'm 34 and I feel my life has imploded. I dont know if I want to stay in the Uk but I do have a good job here.

I dont know what to do next. Can someone hold my hand and give me some kind of plan?

do you have children op?

Hi OP, I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time.

The best plan you can make & really the only plan you should make is one that focuses on yourself. Forget relationships for now, engage with therapy, focus on only yourself. The harsh reality is that you cannot be part of a healthy relationship when you are struggling yourself. X

I want to hurt myself.

OP, is there anyone who can be with you today? Is there anywhere you can go so that you are not alone? Anyone you can call?

Please try to get some professional help soon for this very painful patch you are going through.

No children.

Big hand hold x sorry if this sounds wishy washy but of course you can rebuild, think of someone you know who is 44... that's ten years away and in ten years so much could change, but I bet that 44 year old doesn't even seem 'old' to you - I had a point here I promise, 34 is no age!

Can you just take your mind off things somehow today, I like to watch a scary movie when I'm sad - I can't be scared and sad.

Then tomorrow you could just take it one day at a time towards whatever goals you have, and if that involves meeting someone then that's also great - the person who you ended up breaking up with in the third relationship may not have been the love of your life - there's still so much to happen for you

You will rebuild and feel happier. It takes faith and dedication but you can do it. I've been in a serious of unhealthy relationships for years. With minimal breaks in between. It was only at the end of my recent relationship I started fully focusing on my own wellbeing and self esteem (helped with therapy). And I became happier and more confident than I ever had. For the first time in my life I truly love myself. And I know I don't need a man to make me feel good about myself. I kept getting into relationships with men who were never going to give me what I desired. Now I realise I have to do it for myself. I get most of what I need from my friends and myself. Focus on loving yourself. You're not ready to be in another relationship until you can do that x

Your life is worth so much more than just being a part of a couple

What are your passions OP other people aside?

Politics, music, nature, art, surfing?

Get into your passion if it isn't your job.

Find evening and weekend groups that enjoy what you do.

What do you want to know before you die? And start learning/doing that. It will take you places you can't imagine right now.

Agree totally with this.

Your life will improve immeasurably when you stop putting romantic relationships at the centre of your world.

Focus on you. Make a goal. Even a small one.

I just feel I've gone through so many breakups now I don't think I have anything left in me. I'm someone who prefers being in a couple.

Have you got a good support network - family nearby, friends, colleagues?

As someone said - what are your passions in life? Can you follow these more?

Does your job allow you a decent amount of time off so that you can have a break or time to reset if you can afford this?Maybe time overseas -as you mention you might not want to stay here. Do you family/friends abroad you can still with?

You can map some short terms goals of things you want to do with local friends and family and then move onto to medium and longer term things - trips, career wise etc

I'm someone who prefers being in a couple.

You won’t have a healthy relationship until you work on the relationship you have with yourself.
Wanting to hurt yourself because a relationship has ended is really not normal. Being single can be amazing.

But it’s sooo much better to be single than in an unhealthy relationship

regarding your comment about not wanting to be here; although not relating to relationships, this time last year I felt the same. To a very serious extent,

fast forward 12 months and my life is currently the best it’s ever been! Weirdly, it was a guy who I had 2 dates with 16 months ago who popped up again via text last summer (he was a twat hence only 2 dates) and I strangely told everything to about how low I was feeling when he reappeared. He had been in the same position two years prior and he really really was incredibly lovely and kind to me, that he pulled me through it

he’s still a twat in all other ways (and we don’t talk anymore) but that commonality of both having had that ‘don’t want to be here anymore’ feeling, helped me through. He told me how life WILL get better etc, and he was absolutely right and I’m now in the best place I’ve ever been x