I feel done with this behaviour - control?

[Ashleyupnorth]

For context DH is not a horrible person. I have been with DH for 18 years, married for 12 so a long time to tolerate what I think is not acceptable behaviour, or maybe its just me in the stages of menopause!

We have one DD who is 15. Before we had DD he was rather charming. Noticed a few flags such as when I lived with just a housemate before we moved in together he would clean and tidy our house. I hasten to add my housemate loved, I also did but also felt it was a little odd.

Fast forward 2 years and we moved in together. Fell pregnant with DD and after she was born things changed. I had money to cover my maternity leave but towards the end when I ran short he didn't support me but still took money off me for bills, his mortgage (it was his house at the time).

Later as time went there were more red flags. He took toys off my daughter when she wouldn't play nicely with them, of course I stood up to him and didn't accept this behaviour.

Now DD is a teenager she spends time with her friends which I encourage. DH is just at home ALL the time with the exception of work controlling everything in home. He has no friends and no hobbies. If I break a cup for example he gets stressy about it and at the weekend he seems content to do housework and control his domain and its driving me insane. I have an enormously stressful job in social work so weekends I will do some housework but I also want to relax and have some quiet time.

Am I wrong?

So for 3 out of 18 years his behaviour was "charming"? And the other 15 years, not?

Am I wrong?

No. Your feelings are entirely valid.

@Motnight for the 3 years prior to having DD it was the honeymoon period but this behaviour is not continual else I would have to go.

Course you aren't wrong, it's just how you feel. It sounds suffocating to me reading it, and also I wondered where you fitted in to the equation, as everything seemed to be centred around him. His house, his need to tidy, his lack of friends, his petty anger over your child's toys. What do you want to do and how do you want to live OP?

Thanks @coffeeisthebest . I hadn't thought about it centering around him. When I was pregnant and had my DD in the early years I was quite lonely. I lost both parents at a young age and my sibling lives in Oz and we're not particularly close. I moved towns to be with him so completely isolated myself. I gradually made new friends and am loved by most. Now I am older, wise and more resilient and don't think i am able to cope with this suffocation and behaviour long term.

It sounds like your (completely understandable and human) needs have changed over time and you have outgrown the style of relationship you had together initially. So as you are changing, can he? If not, which of course he isn't obliged to and couldn't anyway if he sees nothing wrong, then it is time to make different decisions. Good luck, you can do this. x