Ex’s new partner has reached out

[Hoolahazza]

I didn’t know where to post this as it’s not really a relationship one, but somehow it is and I am unsure what to do.
I was in a horribly abusive relationship for several years and stupidly stayed way too long, but did eventually break free when I finally confided in someone who helped me so much. I still remember feeling embarrassed and unable to talk to people at the time. I’m ashamed to admit that I focussed on getting away but that I never reported him at the time.
A bit more than 2 years ago I found out that he had gotten into a relationship with someone else and at the time I reached out to her to warn her but she never replied until now. From her messages it’s clear that something isn’t right and that she isn’t sure what to do, which is horrible and I know that feeling. I feel for her and I want to help but I am also really anxious about getting sucked back into his reach. I have recommended confiding into someone close to her, or to contact women’s aid but she doesn’t seem ready to take this step yet.

I just feel so useless and also guilty that I never reported him, because this wouldn’t have happened to her. Is there anything else I can do without getting back on his radar? She doesn’t seem ready for police or women’s aid yet, but it has me so nervous. Thank you

You don't need to feel guilty - you did the right thing by reaching out to warn her. If you feel safe enough to report him now, do that. If not, don't do it. No need for you to get sucked back. Pass on the contact info for the places you used to get out and tell her for your own mental wellbeing you can't support her any more than this

Perhaps you could contact women's aid yourself, explain the situation and ask for their advice.

I think you've done exactly the right thing OP - youve signposted her to places of proper help and support which she can do when she's ready.

You don't have to carry this and you don't need to feel guilty either. Your priority remains you.

You've done well op and the right thing, there's not much else can be done.

Save maybe 'your feelings are valid, always remeber that'. Then wish her all the best 'but this chapter in my life is over. I stayed with him for too long, I hope you don't make the same mistake. Take care'.

You saved yourself, you've helped her, if she chooses to do as you suggested. But she has to make that choice for herself.

You can still report him now. I think anyway. It may then show up on a Clare’s Law search but I don’t know if that’s only if he’s charged. The PP idea of calling women’s aid and explaining is a good one

It’s not too late to report him. I’d do that, reply to her that you have reported him in case it helps her make a decision and reiterate who can also provide her with help, but make it clear you are stepping back. Don’t get involved.

I fled my abusive ex . Many years later my neighbour kept telling me she was in an abusive relationship . I did what you did . Eventually she called the police .

I also on top of women’s aid suggested the freedom program.

You are doing the right thing . You got out - I wouldn’t get myself involved with someone who is in an abusive relationship with my ex .